Page 55 of The (Maybe) Murderer Who Knocked Me Up

I can’t believe he’s saying this. “They would have tried you for capital murder.”

“You don’t know that. We’ll never know what would have happened if I had told the truth. Maybe I would have done time, or maybe they would have let me off because it was self-defense. All I know is that you did nothing wrong, and you still lost six years of your freedom. That isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” I say. “I chose to do the time for you, Jake. It was my decision.”

“I know. The whole thing was your decision. You never asked me what I wanted to do.”

I think back to that night. Jake is right. I never asked what he wanted. I took control of what was likely the most traumatic experience of his life, and I forced him to cope with it my way.

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to protect you. But I shouldn’t have… I messed it all up.”

He places his hand on my knee. “No. Youdidprotect me. You have always protected me, and I’m so grateful. But you can’t keep making all the decisions for us, Slade. What I want should matter too. And I wanted to tell Quin the truth. For you. I wanted to give you a chance at happiness with him.”

I finally realize something that should have occurred to me a long time ago. Jake is no longer the scared boy I lied to protect six years ago. I knew that in a lot of ways. He now has a house, a mate, and a degree. Of course he isn’t a little boy anymore. But I didn’t realize that him growing up means he doesn’t need my protection anymore. He’s strong, and he has his own life now. He should be able to make his own decisions about what that life looks like.

“I’m afraid that the truth will get out, and you’ll end up at Sciff,” I say.

He nods. “I know. But I don’t think Quin will tell anyone. He is possibly the sweetest man I have ever met. He gave me a loaf of homemade bread as I was leaving his house. And it was amazing. I’ve already eaten half of it.”

I can’t help but laugh. “He is very sweet.”

“I really like him,” Jake says.

Jake’s approval of Quin is something I never worried about, but it’s still nice to have.

“Have you noticed that when it comes to dating, we basically have the same type?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Quin is exactly like Stew. Other than their size difference, of course. But he’s sweet, like Stew. Wholesome. Kind. He has a good family. I think they’ll have the best time together. They’ll probably bake cookies or something. I can’t wait.” Jake smiles at me. There was a time when he used to tease me. He hasn’t in a while, but maybe that’s because he felt like he had to be a perfect version of himself for me.

“I would think you were worth protecting, even if you never went to college and you were still using. You don’t have to prove anything to me, okay? I love you, and I always will.”

Tears well in his eyes. “Sorry. I cry at the drop of a hat now.”

I reach out and give him the best hug I can, with the center console and his big belly in the way.

This is all I’ve ever allowed myself to want. I thought if Jake was okay, that would make my life worthwhile. But now I can see the pressure that put on him. I can’t rely on him to make my life meaningful.

That’s something I need to make happen for myself.

27

SEQUIN

Slade is a shitty liar. I know he didn’t stab anybody. If he wasn’t lying to protect his brother, I’d be furious with him. But I saw the raw fear in his eyes when he realized what Jake had told me. Slade loves his brother so much.

If I want to be with him, I need to prove that he can trust me.

I return to the place where I’ve gone every time I felt lost during the last six years: Aunt Emerald’s doorstep. We haven’t chatted much about what happened with Slade yet. We haven’t had time. But I need her wisdom right now.

She answers the door in her green fuzzy robe and a towel wrapped around her head.

“Sorry, is this a bad time?” I ask.

“Absolutely not. I’ve been dying for updates. Let me grab a bottle of wine, and I’ll head over to your place.”

When Chime was little, we’d use a monitor to check in on her while we chatted in Aunt Emerald’s beautiful living room. My home isn’t decorated to receive other raccoon shifter guests. But as Chime got older, I removed the monitor from her room and accepted that I needed to invite guests over, even if I hadno collection of shiny things for them to admire. I’ve noticed the way Aunt Emerald gushes over Chime’s art hanging on the walls.

---