Page 11 of The (Maybe) Murderer Who Knocked Me Up

With that, I stand up and walk away. My heart screams at me to turn back. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a guy I like more than Quin. He’s like happiness, safety, and home wrapped up in a person. I wish I could be with him.

But he was wrong about me. I’m not good.

At least this way, he never has to learn the truth.

6

SEQUIN

Iwatch the clock on the dresser. 12:03. I’m near the top of the raccoon pile tonight, poised for my escape. All my brothers are sleeping soundly, probably dreaming of their exciting futures far away from here.

Little do they know that I have an exciting future too. Not far away, but right here in the trailer park. I just have to do a little sneaking around to get it started. Slade said he thought I was sexy. He’s only holding back because he thinks he isn’t good enough for me. He’s wrong, and he deserves to be with someone who sees his worth. Once I put my paws on his chest, all his insecurities will melt away, and we can be together. Mom won’t mind if we stay in my room for a little while until we can get a trailer of our own. We can even clear out the craft room for Slade’s little brother.

Everything will be perfect.

At one o’clock I climb up the rope and jump into the pile of pillows on the floor. I glance back, checking to see if I woke any of my brothers, but none of them stir. I have to shift into my human form to open the door. Once I close it again, I shrink backinto a raccoon and scurry into the kitchen. The doggie door Mom installed to let us come and go in our raccoon forms when we were little kids is still there.

I jump through it and out into the night.

Nighttime in rural Texas has its own sound. It isn’t just the song of the cicadas, it’s the rustle of prairie grass billowing in the wind and the hum of every AC unit in the trailer park running at full blast to fight off the sweltering heat. Silver once said that most people thought of a certain smell or person when they thought of home, but for him, home was a sound. He said when he heard his brothers breathing softly in their sleep, he knew he was where he belonged.

I agreed with him back then. But now I realize that home isn’t stagnant. It can change.

To me, home is about the people you’re with. My people are about to leave. That means I need to find new ones.

I climb over the chain-link fence that separates Georgina’s yard from ours. I don’t know where Slade’s room is, or how I’m going to get inside once I figure it out. But at least all the windows in the house are dark. I run across the yard littered with car parts and up the deck to the sliding glass door. I weigh the option of turning back into my human form to open it, but then I’d be buck naked in Slade’s back yard. Instead, I grip the glass with my paws and pull back with all my might.

The door budges just a bit. That means it isn’t locked.

I put my paws into the tiny opening and spread them wide until there’s enough space to fit my body through. Sometimes being small has its advantages. Once I’m inside, there’s no real way of shutting the door without a lot of effort, so I leave it open.

My vision in the dark is decent as a raccoon. I’m able to find my way through the kitchen to the hallway of doors. One of them is already open. The room inside has a linoleum floor, so that’s probably the bathroom. I walk along the floorboards, listeningfor movement. When I get to the first door, I sniff underneath it, hoping to pick up Slade’s scent. My nose is much more sensitive in this form. But all I can smell is Georgina’s perfume.

I move to the next closed door. Slade’s musky scent rushes at me before I even start sniffing. I push my paws against his door, hoping that it isn’t properly latched. Unfortunately, it doesn’t move at all.

Damn it. Either I have to shift to open it, or I have to figure out how to do it with my paws. I decide that the latter option isn’t practical. It will require jumping and probably wake Slade up. If he knew what I was planning, he’d try to stop me. I quickly shift into my human form. It’s absolutely terrifying standing in that hallway, naked and vulnerable. But I only have to stay that way for a moment. I twist the knob and open the door just a crack. Then I shift back as quickly as possible.

My heart races as I stand there on all four paws, about to enter Slade’s bedroom. What if he’s not asleep? He could be messing around on his phone or lying awake in bed. What would he say if he saw me creeping into his room in my raccoon form?

I can’t focus on that. I have to be brave and go after a future that excites me. That’s what Silver said. If I chicken out now, I’ll have to watch all my brothers leave, knowing I have nothing to look forward to.

I push the door open with my front paws. The room is as dark as the rest of the house, which implies that Slade isn’t on his phone. I’d be able to see the glow of it. There’s a twin bed in the corner of the room. Slade’s huge form rests on it, his arm hanging over the side, and his feet extending past the edge. It’s surreal to watch him sleep like this. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll be able to sleep next to him soon. It will be totally different than sharing a hammock with my brothers, but I think I’m ready for that.

I like the idea of curling into Slade’s big body at night.

As I get closer, I see that he’s shirtless under his sheet. The bottom of his legs are bare too, so maybe he’s more than shirtless. The idea of that makes me a little nervous. I’ve never done anything besides chastely kiss a boy before, and that was on the elementary school playground when I was seven years old. Mom said it would all come naturally to me when the time came. She told me not to worry about it. But I worry Slade will be disappointed with my inexperience.

I just have to do my best. If I try hard to make it good for him, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it. At least I hope so.

I scamper up the top of the bed and perch on his bedpost. From here I can see the slow rise and fall of his chest. He twitches in his sleep. I almost lose my footing because his movement is so sudden. What will I do if he wakes up? Maybe mountain lion shifters have a great sense of smell, like wolf shifters. I need to hurry up before anything can go wrong.

Slowly, I crawl along the edge of the bed. I stand on my hind legs, which is always a precarious position as a raccoon and outstretch my paws.

This is it. Slade is about to be mine. Then he can stop thinking he isn’t good enough, and we can just be happy together. I gently press my paws on the warm skin of his chest. It’s all a bit awkward. When I pictured doing this as a kid, I thought my paws would be centered—one paw for each pec. But both my paws are on the right side of his chest. For a moment, I’m not sure I did it right. Then a powerful surge rushes through me. It’s like a rush of wind, but instead of blowing at my skin, it lights me up inside with a warmth that makes me feel like my body is glowing. I remove my paws from Slade’s chest to look at them in wonder.

Slade lurches awake. I try to get my balance, but I’m on my hind legs, and I go toppling over, landing with a thud on the ground. Instinct takes over, and I rush under the bed to hide.

“Hello?” Slade says. “Is anyone there?” His voice sounds groggy and confused.

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