Page 39 of A Merry Christmas for Art… and His Tentacles

Harry is sitting behind his desk, looking cranky just like last time, but I think that’s just his face. Art and I both take seats in front of Harry’s desk.

A voice from the corner of the office states, “Call him in.” I hadn’t noticed when we walked in, but the gorgon from the party on Friday is standing against the dark bookshelves at the side of the room, wearing a black bespoke suit.

He and Art seemed to get along well, and I really hope we aren’t here for some sort of complaint from him.

“I would still rather not be present,” Art says.

“Alexander is right, you should be here,” Harry grumbles, and the gorgon smiles at Art and leans against the shelves.

So maybe this isn’t a complaint? They seem to know exactly what’s going on, but I’m in the dark. I feel like the HRdepartment is another dimension of reality. I never know quite what to expect, but I don’t think now is the time to ask. Art seems to have the situation under control, although I’m definitely going to remember to ask more questions next time.

The door opens, and in walks Frank.

He does not look happy. He’s got a scowl on his face and his wings are flared out behind him.

“Good. I’m glad you called me in, Harry. This situation has become untenable.” Frank grabs a chair from the small table in the corner and pulls it over, leaving a good distance between himself and Art and me.

Harry just grunts. I don’t think Frank has noticed the gorgon—Alexander, apparently—in the corner.

Frank starts ranting. “We have lost seven lab techs because of Art, and I’m guessing the only reason Dean here hasn’t quit is because of their outside relationship. Are you aware that they’re dating? And I think that’s interfering with the work environment. Dean has become increasingly hostile at work.”

I stare at Frank incredulously. Is he serious? I knew he was a dick, but this is absurd. I’m not hostile! I look over at Art, but he looks perfectly calm, so I try to hold on to my temper.

“In fact, I have to wonder if this doesn’t fall under sexual harassment, since Art is obviously coercing Dean into a relationship.” Frank leans forward, adding, “In fact, I’m fully aware that some of the employees were discussing it and believe that Art forced Dean into spending time with him outside of work.”

I actually sputter at that. “Art did not… You’re the one…” I start, literally at a loss for words, but Harry just holds his hand up at me, shuffling some papers around on his desk.

This seems to please Frank, who continues. “As you know, numerous complaints have been placed regarding Art. Surely at this point, disciplinary action should be taken.”

Frank leans back, smiling smugly. I was worried about my job, but it’s clear Frank doesn’t care about me. He really doesn’t like Art.

“Yes, I have those complaints here,” Harry responds, shuffling through some papers. “It seems that you did indeed have seven lab technicians file complaints, three of them stating it was at your behest.”

Frank sputters, but Harry holds his hand up again, continuing. “All seven transferred to other departments, where many of them unfortunately did not last long. It seems their professionalism and ability to get along with others was… problematic. In fact, two of them were accused of sexually harassing other employees along with Art, although Art didn’t put their interactions in those terms.”

“Well…” Frank starts, but Harry cuts him off again.

“One has to wonder about the hiring practices of lab technicians in your department, Frank.”

“I’m not the problem—Art is! Those lab technicians were fine before they worked with him!” Frank bursts out.

“And yet Dean has had no complaints, and he works with Art. I believe he was actually hired when you were on vacation, though, wasn’t he?” Harry says, and I almost think his craggy face is fighting off a smile.

I just lean back. Wow. This is some good shit. It looks like Frank really has been hiring shitty lab techs.

“Did you not hear me about their illicit relationship? Surely that is affecting Dean’s work!” Frank hisses.

“Actually, their relationship was declared to HR when it began, and Dean’s work has been beyond stellar. He is one of our most productive lab technicians. As for the rumor that Art made Dean hang out with him, I believe thatyouactually demanded that Dean spend time with Art in order to…” Harry pauses, looking down at a paper, then he clears this throat and reads,“‘teach him how to interact with people in a way that doesn’t make them want to quit.’ I believe you also stated that Dean would ‘work side-by-side with Art all day, and smooth over any unpleasant interactions he may have with the rest of the staff.’ Does that sound familiar, Frank?”

Frank’s mouth is literally hanging open.

“Then there is the matter of the complaints aboutyou, Frank,” Harry states calmly, even though Frank’s wings are getting bigger and there’s definitely a breeze in the office that wasn’t there before.

“If Art complained…” Frank starts, but Harry cuts him off yet again.

“Oh, no, I don’t mean from Art. Art is one of the few employees who doesn’t complain about you, Frank. Well, at least until he felt you put Dean into an unfair position that violated the employee handbook.”

“This is ridiculous, and I will not be subjected to this,” Frank declares, and I swear I hear thunder coming from inside the office. “Art is a pain in the ass who makes me hire new lab technicians constantly, and I cannot believe his behavior is being blamed on me. He doesn’t know how to relate to people, his social skills suck, and he’s rude, unsociable, and has no friends at work.”

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