Page 26 of Wicked

She placed her hand on my knee. “I know it feels that way right now, and I wish I could wait to have this conversation with you, but tomorrow they’re going to fit you for dental implants. Once you get them, you won’t be able to shift into your animal form, and I need someone who can shift into a red wolf. It’s…” she trailed off, hesitant for a moment. “It’s the children. By the time we get to them, they’ve been lied to so many times, they often refuse to come with us. But if one of us was a red wolf… Well, I imagine they’d trust us then.”

My mind latched onto the idea of a lost child needing my wolf form to feel safe. I think my mind would have latched onto anything that would ease the guilt and self-loathing that consumed me at that time. There was just one problem.

“You should choose Matthew. He’s stronger.” Matthew was Timber’s name back then.

“I don’t need someone strong. I need someone light—someone I can carry easily on my back. I need someone who can slip through small spaces in their animal form and preferably, someone who can pass for an omega if the situation requires it. I also need someone who won’t seem threatening to the children I’m trying to save. I haven’t come here by accident. I chose you very carefully.”

That was what saved me, I think. Not being pulled out of the pits. That wouldn’t have been enough. Being needed by Anne gave me a purpose.

What will I do when she doesn’t need me anymore?

“I shouldn’t have asked you to work for me before you had a chance to heal. I’m sorry,” she says.

“Don’t be sorry. This work has helped me heal.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think it has. In some ways, yes, but Timber and H had time to cope with everything they lost. They also had the opportunity to think about what they wanted to do with their lives, and they chose meaningful careers that were well suited to their interests and strengths. You never got a chance to do any of that. I rescued you from one traumatic situation, then put you in danger over and over again. I don’t think anyone could heal under those circumstances. You never felt safe enough to.”

That’s an oversimplification. “Timber did porn because he was desperate for money. Sure, he ended up liking it, but it wasn’t like he had lots of options.”

“At least he had options,” she says.

“You gave me a choice.”

She releases my hand and sits straighter in her seat. “You were still shaky from withdrawals. That’s why I asked you if you remembered. You kept repeating yourself, and at one point, I think you mistook me for your grandmother.”

I don’t remember any of that.

“It was wrong for me to convince you not to get the dental implants and work for me while you were in that state. I rationalized it by convincing myself that we’d save enough people, it would be worth it. In other words, I sacrificed your mental health for the sake of others, and I didn’t get your full consent for that decision.”

Between what Candlewick said about the pits and all this new information from Anne, I don’t know what to believe about my own life anymore. Anne is my best friend—my savior. But now I’m supposed to believe she took advantage of me? The sex I had in the pits wasn’t my choice, but I’m still excommunicated from the church for it? It’s all too confusing.

“What happened with Candlewick tonight wasn’t because I haven’t healed or anything you did,” I tell her. “Candlewick and I can’t be together for longer than a year anyway because I can’t bond to him. He’s a red wolf shifter, and his thrall will only work for a limited time—”

“Then we’ll find a warlock to give you back your teeth. That’s what Timber did. He had to exchange his right hand, but it was worth it.”

“That spell cost millions of dollars,” I remind her.

Her jaw clenches. “I’ll pay for it.”

“Instead of paying for our missions? How many kids will stay in human trafficking rings so I can bond to my mate?”

She takes a sip of her tea instead of answering me because she knows I’m right. One person’s happiness isn’t enough to justify leaving dozens of people in miserable situations.

“It’s my money,” she finally says. “I get to decide what to do with it. If you want a spell to grow your teeth back, you’ll get it.”

I open my mouth to argue with her, but she holds up her hand. “Don’t. This isn’t up for discussion. If you don’t want to trade your teeth for your right hand, then I won’t force you to. Heaven knows I can’t afford to buy you a magical hand like Andrew did for Timber. I think that hand cost him forty million dollars. But I know a warlock who can help us if that is what you want.”

Is that what I want? I look down at my right hand. If I sacrificed it, that would mean no more missions. I couldn’t blend in, and running in my wolf form would be difficult, even with the right prosthetic. Giving up my right hand would mean I’d need to find a different job.

“Will Peter need me when he starts going on missions?” I ask.

“No,” Anne says.

“But I could—”

“No. I won’t be the reason you can’t heal anymore. I want you to move on with your life, Manny. You deserve to spend some quality time with your new mate. You should finally be able to travel for fun or make babies with Candlewick. I don’t want you to miss out on the first time your kids walk because you’re in some godforsaken forest in Russia. I want you to live. You deserve to live.”

It doesn’t feel like I deserve any of the kindness she’s giving me. I’m not worth millions of dollars, and I don’t know if Candlewick will take me back at this point.

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