Page 13 of Wicked

He swipes the screen of my phone a few times, then hands it back to me. “I’ll have you know that I checked your browsing history, hoping to find porn, and I was disappointed.”

Candlewick is funny. I like that.

“I don’t watch porn. It’s against my religion.”

“Um, yeah. It’s against a lot of people’s religion, but that doesn’t stop them.”

The website Candlewick has pulled up is focused on religious education. There’s a list of twenty other world religions to the left and a list of topics covered on the right. Candlewick has selected the tab on bonding rituals and customs.

The red wolf god forbids sexual intercourse between unbonded couples unless they are spending a heat together with the intention of forming a bond.

That isn’t very helpful.

Candlewick grabs my phone, and swipes to a different screen. This is a website focused on shifter cultures.

Red wolf shifters believe that sex is a sin unless performed with their sacred bonding rituals. However, sometimes these bonding rituals require young shifters to copulate with several different partners before finding the right one.

The rate of sexual experimentation among red wolf shifters during their teen years differs from compound to compound. Some forbid alphas and omegas to hold hands or kiss, while others are vague about what is allowed outside of condemning penetrative sex.

Penetrative sex. That must mean they don’t condemn oral sex.

I shake my head to clear it of the new fantasies streaming into my mind. Candlewick presenting for me and begging me to eat him out. Candlewick giving me tender kisses. Candlewick lying in my arms.

“Are you from a stricter compound or a more lax one?” Candlewick asks, glancing down at my lips again.

Kissing or making out with him isn’t technically forbidden as long as we don’t have sex. Would it be so wrong if we kissed just one more time?

Maybe. Lusting after a man is wrong. I’m certain I read that in the scriptures, and I am definitely lusting after Candlewick.

“I, um, grew up in the Oregon compound. It wasn’t strict compared to the others,” I finally say, even though I probably shouldn’t.

He steps closer to me. The space between us has its own energy. I don’t think I can continue to push Candlewick away.

Just one more kiss. I can remember it for the rest of my life. I never got to kiss the men in the pits. It didn’t feel appropriate. I wasn’t a person to them. I was only a knot. I’m a person to Candlewick. That isn’t lust, is it? God doesn’t forbid emotional connection, just carnal sin.

I lean in until our lips are almost touching. Already my breath is coming in deeper pants, and I haven’t even kissed him yet. We’re beyond the tender, emotional moment of our first kiss. The connection between us has become feral, and it’s not something I should feed.

I press my lips to his anyway.

His mouth is like a crackling live wire. I wrap my arms around him so tight I feel the breath leaving his body. Our mouths open at the same time, and he lets out a moan. I can’t get enough of him: the texture of his tongue, the softness of his lips, the musk of his scent. I want to take him right here on this roof.

It’s Candlewick who breaks away from the kiss. His lips are pink and swollen, and his cheeks are flushed. “Wow. That was… Wow.”

I drag a hand through my hair. “Yeah.” I wanted a kiss I’d remember for the rest of my life, didn’t I? If that doesn’t qualify, I don’t know what would.

“As long as we don’t have sex, we can do that again, right?” he asks.

That should be true, but that kiss made me hard. I shouldn’t lust after Candlewick, regardless of what that website says. I know that.

But Candlewick is my fated mate. Maybe God will be forgiving as long as we don’t have penetrative sex. Just for tonight. Then Anne and I will be off on our next mission, and I won’t be tempted to take it further with him because I’ll be a million miles away.

“Okay,” I say.

Candlewick’s lips spread into a smile that’s so full of happiness and hope, my stomach fills with butterflies. “Thank you, Manny.”

Seeing him happy is almost better than the kiss. The way he beams as he takes my hand and leads me to the door makes me want to turn my back on God and religion and the whole entire world so I could be the cause of his smile again and again.

Right then and there, I know I’m going to give in to temptation and give him oral sex. Just once. Then I can relive that memory every time I yearn for him in the years to come. Because I will yearn for him. After our connection fades, he’ll be able to move on and love other men, but I won’t.

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