Page 27 of Wicked

I stand up and start pacing. Maybe Steppe needs help at the sanctuary, or I could ask Peter if he’ll override his mother’s decision. I can’t just hang out with Candlewick all the time. I messed everything up with him. Spending my life with a man I don’t know how to make happy isn’t a plan. It’s a disaster.

“Going on missions is what I’m good at,” I say.

“Yes. You are very good at putting yourself in danger for the benefit of other people.”

Why does it sound like she thinks that’s a bad thing?

“Do you know what you said to me when I asked you to work for me?” she asks.

I stop in front of the kitchen counter. “What?”

“That you were worthless and unqualified to do anything.”

Well, I was, wasn’t I?

“So?”

“So you were wrong then too. I think if you throw your whole self into being a good mate or father or whatever else you want to be, you’ll see that you’re very capable, just like you were when you came to work for me.” She stands and brings her cup to the sink.

“What if I’m not?” I ask. I was not capable with Candlewick at all. I was a mess.

She doesn’t say anything to that. She just leans in and gives me a hug. We stand there for a long time in the kitchen, just holding each other. She’s been the most important person in my life for a long time. I don’t know if I’m ready for that to change. I don’t know if I’m ready for anything to change.

I close my eyes and ask God if accepting Anne’s gift is truly the right thing. After all, if I couldn’t save His children anymore, I couldn’t redeem myself for what I did in the pits.

Except… maybe I don’t need to. Maybe Candlewick is right, and it wasn’t my fault.

It was never a choice, Manny. It wasn’t meant to be.

“Let me talk to Candlewick about it,” I finally say. “We have time. His thrall won’t fade for me until after his heat, and he can take blockers for a few months while we get everything figured out.”

If I could get to know Candlewick before we ended up in bed together, that would make everything easier. Also, if I could learn more about what sex is like outside the pits, that would help too. If Candlewick and I were preparing to bond, none of the foreplay or sex would be wrong.

I let that sink in for a minute: making love to Candlewick wouldn’t be wrong.

“Are you sure about this?” I ask Anne. I don’t know what I’d do if she changes her mind and backs out.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m getting old, Manny. I want you to give me more grandbabies.”

I pull away from her. “What?”

She smiles at me with tears in her eyes. “Did I stutter? You heard me. I want more grandbabies.”

“But I’m not—”

“You’re not my son? Bullshit. I think we should both get some rest, then we’ll go get that omega of yours.”

I try to keep it together as she disappears into the bedroom for the night, but I have to wipe away a tear or two. Finding my fated mate was life changing tonight, but in some ways, this feels even bigger.

A part of me always wondered what would happen with Anne after she retired. I assumed I wouldn’t get to see her anymore. I don’t know why. Maybe I worried I was only useful to her in a professional capacity.

Now I have a family. Or at least a mom. Strangely, that makes everything that’s happening with Candlewick feel less scary.

I close my eyes and thank God, even if it feels a little strange to do so. My relationship with Him feels different too. Because if I wasn’t responsible for what I did in the pits, why did His people forsake me? Why am I all alone?

That isn’t fair. I’m not all alone because I have Anne. I wash both the tea mugs and pull out the sofa bed. I can figure all this out after I get some rest.

8

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