Page 13 of Real

Is he making fun of me? I lower my head. Maybe I deserve it after admitting that I fantasize about a human wanting me.

“Buddy, I mean it,” H says softly.

“Don’t,” I beg him. “I know I’ll never have sex with anyone again.”

“Does that mean you’ve had sex before?”

Pain clenches around my heart. “Dorian had sex with me. A long time ago.”

“What happened?”

Tears gather in my eyes. “That was back when Dorian thought I could be real.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was supposed to be his mate. When our bond formed, it was supposed to turn me human.”

There are a lot of things I don’t tell H. Like how happy Dorian was on that first day when he introduced himself to me. He was almost glowing. He explained that we’d be burrowing together. That’s how fox shifters bond, not through a bite or a gift of jewelry but through a month-long stay in a secluded cabin together.

He wasn’t eager to get physical with me, of course. I was still plastic and not worthy of him yet. He kissed and touched me in a perfunctory manner, promising me that everything would be different when I was real. As long as we followed the burrowing customs of the fox shifters and our bond formed properly, I’d become human just like him. Then he’d desire me.

He was so optimistic in the beginning. So kind to me. I had no idea how much everything would change.

I don’t think I can talk about the happy memories with H. They’re too painful.

“Did you bond to him?” H asks me.

“No. The bond didn’t work. I wasn’t… He couldn’t… I wasn’t any good for him.”

The sympathy in H’s eyes makes me want to find another closet and hide. I don’t deserve it. I was the one who failed Dorian.

H wraps his warm arms around me. He’s so soft. He runs his hand up and down my back the way Candlewick used to. Only it feels completely different with H. My skin tingles where he touches me.

I close my eyes and inhale his woodsy, musky scent. Candlewick once told me that alphas are like the sun. They can burn you like nothing else, but while it’s happening you won’t notice because standing in their light feels so damn good.

I think I finally understand what he meant.

6

H

Staying low profile while finding some clothing for Buddy requires a bit of strategy. I choose a strip mall close to the cliffs because this is an expensive area mostly populated by ice dragon shifters, and I figure the shops won’t be overly crowded. I have some savings I can put toward clothing for Buddy. Not just an outfit for court, but also pajamas, underwear, and some comfortable clothes that fit him better than his oversized hoodie.

He wrings his hands on the drive to the strip mall. I don’t know if he’s ever been out in public before. He seems to relax when I put my hand on his knee, so I keep it there.

“We’re just going to go in, try on some clothes, buy a few things, then walk out. That’s all,” I say as I park in front of a clothing store that has a high-end spa to the right and a custom jewelry shop to the left. Ice dragon shifters are so high maintenance.

“How will I know what to try on?” Buddy asks.

I climb out of the car and walk around to the passenger side to open his door. “You can try on anything you like.”

“What if I don’t know what I like?”

“What did you wear when you lived at Dorian’s house?”

“I was supposed to stay in my closet when Dorian was home. I didn’t need clothes.”

The idea of Buddy hunched in a closet, naked and lonely, makes me want to hold him in my arms all over again.

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