Page 29 of Expensive

“That part of me is bigger around you,” I say. That’s probably a weird way to describe it. At home, I find comfort in Frankie and my books, but around Timber, that comfort is thicker. It’s like the difference between water and molasses. It feels safer too. I can fully immerse myself and not be afraid of what might happen. I’m not even sure what I’ve been afraid of in the past. That I’d end up looking stupid in front of other people? I worry about it even when I’m alone. But with Timber, the fear is gone.

“Good,” Timber whispers in my ear. “Maybe the next time we see each other, we can explore it a little more? Would that be okay?”

I’m not sure what that would entail, but it sounds nice.

“Okay.”

We lie there in silence for a while as his knot goes down. I know we need to talk about how this relationship is going to work, but it was wonderful to read together and make love first. I think I needed that.

And I think Timber knew.

It’s funny. Love is so different than I thought it would be. I always imagined grand sweeping gestures in my youth—flowers, poetry, romantic dinners at fancy restaurants—but with Timber it’s cuddling in his lap, grilled cheese, and sex so good I’ll treasure the little reminders of our love every time my ass smarts.

Love with him fits me well.

“I think I can sneak you into my house,” I say. “I already have a car with a breathable trunk that I commissioned for my employee, Marjorie. When the courts were deciding how to handle my case, I wanted a way to escape if one of the Monroes ended up as my legal guardian.”

“That’s clever, baby boy.”

His praise feels good.

“You’ll get into the car at Marjorie’s place. She lives in a condo with an underground garage. It’s separate and private, and it has a door that connects to the main garage. I have a car I keep there, just in case. The day before our scheduled time together, we could get someone to pick up the car and drop it off at a different location. Then you’d drive to the location in some sort of disguise, get the car, drive to Marjorie’s building, and climb into her trunk before she comes to work.”

It’s not a perfect plan, but it will work until we can figure out something better. The reality is that Timber is not low profile, so no matter what we do, sneaking around is going to be complicated.

“Do you trust the people who work for you?” Timber asks.

“I don’t know.” A part of me has always assumed that some of them were being paid off by the Monroes to spy on me. In the past, it didn’t seem worth it to worry about it.

“Can you rearrange their schedules so there are a few days a week when no one is in the house but you and Marjorie?” he asks. He trusts my judgment about Marjorie. After being declared mentally incompetent by the courts, that’s nice.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“We’ll need burner phones. Have Marjorie arrange to meet with me about disbanding the contract, and she can give me the keys and the phone then. They may be following her as well, so make sure she’s careful when she buys the phones.”

Timber’s knot is soft now. He pulls out of me and gets up to retrieve our food. The plate of grilled cheese is still warm when he hands it to me.

A little bit of comfort to go with our plans.

“Do you have a filming schedule we should plan around?”

He gives me a sad smile. “Oh, baby boy. You didn’t think I’d do porn after committing myself to you, did you?”

“But it’s your job. Working isn’t cheating.” Like Davey said, porn is a performance. It’s nothing like the relationship Timber and I share. I don’t want him to feel like he has to change to be with me.

“Itwasmy job. If I really wanted to continue performing, I’d tell you, but this feels like a good reason to stop. I’m ready.”

A part of me is sad at the idea of Timber not performing in porn anymore. That’s how I fell in love with him. But another part of me gets it. I couldn’t sleep with anyone else either. Not even as a performance.

“If you change your mind, I understand,” I say.

He bends over and kisses my forehead. “Thank you, baby boy. That means a lot to me.”

He sits next to me, and we make our plans. I get to look at his naked body while we plot and scheme. I notice him glancing at mine too, his eyes resting on the places where he’s marked my skin with his teeth. My ass is so sore I probably shouldn’t take him again. I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

But as soon as our food is gone, I already want him to fill me. I feel so empty.

Timber doesn’t seem to mind.

---