Page 90 of Five Summers

Each time I come to this place, I am drawn to the breathtaking city down below. The shimmering lights gracefully dance upon the water’s surface, creating a captivating reflection.

Even in the late hour and darkness, the streets are alive with the bustling presence of people, jogging, and walking their dogs. I can't help but stare at the electrifying flashes of lightning in the distance, telling me a storm is coming. The air carries a faint scent of rain, heightening the anticipation of the impending downpour.

As I retrieve my phone from my pocket, my attention is captivated by the image of Poppy that I had been admiring earlier. It’s the snapshot taken when I brought her home, a memory that was once cherished and proudly displayed as my screensaver, now absent due to our separation. My gaze wanders over the contours of her face, appreciating the gentle slope of her chin, the elegant prominence of her cheekbones. Her hair playfully covering her eyes while she's asleep.

It’s almost cruel how my mind continuously tortures me, reminding me of every contour of her body and every tiny flaw she despised, which I thought was nothing less than perfection. In an attempt to find solace, I switch over to the text message she sent me earlier today.

Princess: Xander, ring me or answer your phone, please. We need to talk ASAP. It can't wait.

I unscrew the lid and take another guzzle, the warm, brown liquid soothes my throat, fulfilling the craving I’ve had since I walked away from her. Each gulp slowly eases the pain. While enjoying the effects of another hit from my joint, I casually scroll through the many text messages she’s sent me over the weeks, messages that I’ve neglected to respond to. Guilt seeps in like a relentless poison, intertwining its presence within the very essence of my being. She's the first girl who's made me feel something, but I just tossed her aside like she was meaningless.Perhaps she hates me now. Maybe these last few weeks have shown her how worthless I really am.

With another sip of whisky, I summon the courage to dial her number.

It rings twice before she picks up.

“Oh my God, Xander,” her voice resonates, causing a rush of memories to swirl in my mind like a hurricane. The way she effortlessly pronounces my name with those lips sends a chilling sensation down my spine. Her voice serves as a constant reminder of the pain in my chest, the agonizing guilt that courses through my body for abandoning her.

Then I can’t help but recall the hurtful words uttered by her mother, words that have haunted me ever since. They serve as a constant reminder that I am not good enough for Poppy. I fear that one day she will realize what everyone else sees - that I am a worthless, insignificant person in this world. It’s as if I will never measure up to the person I should be for her. Swallowing becomes a struggle as a lump forms in my throat, hindering my ability to speak. I no longer feel like a man, but rather a feeble, voiceless coward who is unable to stand up for himself. It seems that I am incapable of providing anything for her, not even my own voice.

“Xander, are you still there?” she asks, her voice trembling with an unmistakable sense of desperation.

I cut off the call, but the echo of her melodic voice lingers in my mind like a haunting symphony. I let out a deep sigh and cover my face with my hands, feeling the weight of regret seeping through my fingertips.

The piercing sound of my phone ringing, loud and distinct, cuts through the peaceful silence. I let it ring, while my eyes stay on her photo displayed on the screen. I hesitate to answer, because what could I possibly say to her? How can I find the right words to explain my reasons for walking away? Perhapsone day, my newfound fame will validate me, proving that I am now deserving of her. Maybe, just maybe, she will find it in her heart to forgive me for all the terrible things I have done to her.

Instead of answering, I let the call go to voicemail. But, to my surprise, the phone won't quit ringing. In frustration, I press the reject button. The ringing persists, now reaching its fourth cycle, pushing me to my breaking point. I suddenly rise, leaving my bottle of Jack on the hill, and hastily head towards the water. I can’t take this torment anymore. There is only one way to bring an end to it all.

“Please Princess, don’t hate me for what I’ve done,” I murmur, my voice tinged with sorrow, tears pooling in my eyes. With a heavy heart, I fling my phone towards the murky depths of the water, its screen flickering to life once again with yet another incoming call. A distant splash reverberates through the air, intensifying the pain in my chest.

I dream of being by her side someday, and I'm getting more desperate with each passing second. Yet, I am afraid of her witnessing the version her mother predicted she would eventually encounter. I never want to see that look on her face when she realizes everyone is correct. Especially since she's always seen me in a different light, appreciating my individuality and assuring me I'm truly something special.

“I’m so sorry, Princess. I need to put myself first so we can have a future. Then I'll be good enough for you.”

As the gentle drizzle lightly kisses the earth, I redirect my focus back towards the hill, ready to sit in the rain and relish every drop of whisky left in my bottle.

Chapter thirty-three

Ace

It’s been six months since we got here to chase our dreams, and Xander still isn’t himself. I know for a fact he hasn't hooked up with anyone during this time. Despite the many attempts from eager girls, he prefers getting wasted on his bottle of Jack or smoking a joint. This behavior is unlike the Xander I know. He's definitely not okay. He's become more of a loner, keeping to himself most of the time. We hardly talk anymore and our experiences aren't the same. I miss the connection I had with my brother, the one who used to confide in me.

I’m not sure what went down between him and Poppy Reeves that made him so determined to leave earlier than we planned. I’ve asked him multiple times, but he just tells me to leave him alone. So I haven’t brought it up for months now. However, there’s still a noticeable tension in the air, almost like he’s hiding something and doesn’t want to talk about it.

It turned out to be fortunate that we left when we did because everything fell into place. If we hadn’t, I’m confident that Nate Reynolds, the drummer, would have been recruited by another band. Now, he and his friend Theo are part of Broken Oasis, and I must say, they fit in perfectly. Although Xander now spends more time with Theo than with me, they enjoy hanging out, having a drink, sharing a joint, and jamming on their guitars together. I do miss the good old days when Xander and I used to do that. However, at least he’s slowly getting back to some sense of normalcy and no longer sitting there, feeling miserable like he did during the first month after we arrived.

The past few months have been a whirlwind for us. I kicked things off by leaving demo tapes at local bars and ended up getting us two gigs per week. Suddenly, everything took off at full speed.

At first, we performed for small crowds of around ten or fifteen people. However, as word spread, more and more people started showing up. Eventually, the demand grew so much that the bar had to sell tickets, and every night became a sold-out show. It's insane to see how much attention we were getting. Before we knew it, record labels started showing interest.

Just last week, we officially signed our very first album contract with Victory Records. And you won’t believe what’s happening next week - we’re heading to the studio to record our debut album! I am absolutely bursting with excitement! Xander and I have been dreaming about this moment since we were just twelve-year-old boys, and now, finally, it’s becoming a reality. It's crazy to think that two boys from broken homes, who everyone in town thought were worthless, got discovered by a record label that's worked with some of the biggest bands. All I can say is that we are on our way up, and there is absolutely nothing that can stand in our way now.

Chapter thirty-four

Xander

As the stage lights fade to darkness, the deafening roars of the crowd intensify, becoming even more thunderous. I take a deep breath, preparing myself to sing the last song of the night. My heart is pounding, and I'm covered in sweat from giving it my all in front of eighty thousand people. As the crowd cheers, my body feels their energy, feeling the vibrations ripple through my skin. Their excitement peaks as they chant the name of our band.

“Broken Oasis! Broken Oasis!”

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