Page 85 of Five Summers

It's been two days already, and I have received no response from Xander. I haven’t seen him at school, and the same goes for Ace. Ever since that morning when my mother caught us, Xander hasn’t bothered to come to the house.

Initially, I assumed he was intentionally keeping a low profile. However, as rumors started circulating around school, with Jade discovering Xander and Ace’s departure, it deeply affected me. The rumors seemed all too real, especially since I hadn’t even caught a glimpse of Xander walking down to the 7-Eleven. I must admit, I even sat by the window, hoping to see him pass by. It’s pathetic, I know. But when the truth finally hit me that he was truly gone, it genuinely hurt. It hit me on apersonal level that Xander didn’t have the courtesy of letting me know he was leaving.

I honestly thought he cared about me. It was clear in the tenderness of his touch and the warmth in his gaze. But now, his silence hits hard, making it clear to me that I mean nothing to him.

It’s surreal to consider how different life was before Xander came along. Now, I’m struggling to manage without him. The past few months of having him with me constantly have truly changed me. I always knew our time together would be short-lived, and I understood that I’d have to adjust when it ended. However, I never expected it to be this difficult.

As I make my way through the school corridor, I can’t help but feel a deep void of pain. I really don't want to think about anything right now. It's like the hurt is suffocating me. All I want is to find a quiet place and cry my heart out. I've shed so many tears already. I keep wondering, why would he do this to me? Why did he keep hanging out with me, only to end up tossing me aside?

Nevertheless, the agony amplifies as Jade reveals to the entire group she has had contact with Xander, and he is thriving. She mentions that they have found a place to live and are eagerly waiting for an opportunity to be discovered.

Standing alone at my locker, I feel the pain of her words, as if they were stabbing my heart. The sound of her voice carries across the hallway, spreading the news to everyone nearby. So I just stand there and endure the torment in silence.

It's a never-ending pain, knowing he lied to me. How he callously cast me aside, treating me as if I held no value. On top of the pain of losing him, I also have to deal with my mom who keeps verbally bashing Xander and questioning my judgment.

At first, I had his back and would defend him, but now it's easier to just walk away in case I say something I'll regret. I'm constantly angry, mostly with myself, but especially with him.

Now that the fear of Xander’s threat to expose Ace’s video has diminished, Jade has resumed her relentless teasing about my weight. As I walk closer, I see Jade, Savannah, and their little group up ahead. Usually, I would steer clear of this area to avoid any run-ins with them, but today, it doesn’t really matter. They can say whatever they want because their words can’t hurt me any more than I’m already hurting.

“Hey, fatty,” Jade sneers. “You’ve been so quiet. Is your mouth still stuffed with food?”

The group bursts into laughter, their mocking taunts resonating through the air.

I try to go around them, but they step forward and block the path.

“What’s the matter? No witty comeback? Are you going into shock because you haven’t eaten in, like, the last ten seconds?”

That’s enough. I can’t handle her relentless, fat-shaming remarks anymore. I’ve truly had my fill of her today. Consumed by anger, I grab hold of the ridiculous shirt she’s wearing today and forcefully slam her against the lockers.

The shock in her eyes is evident as she struggles to comprehend what the fuck I’m doing, and honestly, I’m just as surprised by my actions. It’s as if I’ve become a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any given moment.

“Shut your fucking mouth,” I hiss. “Or I’ll do it for you.”

Behind me, I hear a firm voice.

“Poppy Reeves, get to the principal’s office now.”

I release a long breath. Just what I need, more ammunition for my mother to manipulate me into doing what she wants after I graduate. My grip on Jade’s shirt tightens, my eyes lock on herwith intense, burning hatred. “If you ever talk to me like that again, bitch, I won't just grab your shirt the next time.”

“Let go, Miss Reeves!” Mr. Simpson shouts, coming up behind me. I can feel him towering over me. I let go of her shirt but stay put for now.

“He s-said to get away from me.” I can hear the fear in Jade's voice, and I like it. Maybe now she'll think twice before stirring up more trouble.

Stepping back, I navigate through the crowd as they part to let me walk down the corridor toward the principal’s office. People start chatting behind me, and I can feel them staring. But I couldn’t care less about it.

As my week-long suspension is coming to an end, my mother wastes no time putting me to work, just as she promised. She took some extra time off, so today I spent most of the day assisting her with spring cleaning. Essentially, we were decluttering the accumulation of things she had gathered over the years. Sometimes, it feels like she purposely does this to annoy me. However, amidst all the unnecessary items, I stumble upon a few belongings that were once my father’s, which I did not know she had kept. Of course, she remains completely unaware that I discovered them. As far as she knows, we discarded them in the trash.

The dynamics of our conversation have undergone a shift. Rather than criticizing my father, she now focuses on belittlingXander, making him the primary topic of discussion. She constantly reminds me that I held no significance to him. She tells me that after he got what he wanted, he distanced himself from me completely, taking advantage of me. Occasionally, her words hold some truth, as there are moments when I believe they are accurate and that he had manipulated me like he manipulates everyone. However, deep down, I can’t help but feel that it was more than just manipulation. Our connection surpassed that. It was something greater, something that she or anyone else could never truly comprehend.

Chapter thirty

Xander

It has been three weeks since Ace and I left, and during this time, my meals have been scarce. The persistent hunger that plagued me for years has finally vanished. I now have more urgent matters to attend to instead of constantly fixating on my next meal. Nevertheless, I have been consuming excessive amounts of alcohol as a coping mechanism. It helps alleviate the pain, but I still cannot stop thinking about all the texts Poppy has sent. All of which I leave unanswered.

Ace totally lost it yesterday, accusing me of turning into my father. When he said that, it hit me hard and made me realize Ineed to change. There's no way I'm ever going to be anything like that heartless prick.

So, I finally got off my lazy ass and found a job as a kitchen hand. I have to admit, I truly detest it. The primary focus of this job mainly centers on washing dishes, but I suppose it’s only a temporary gig until we can come across our lucky break.

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