Page 59 of Five Summers

“Nothing,” I reply, my voice catching in my throat as I swallow hard.

He takes another drag of his cigarette and blows out a plume of smoke before speaking again. “So what’s with the attitude, then?”

I turn away. “I don’t know, Xander. Maybe I’m annoyed at myself for being just another conquest on your long list.”

“And this is why I never stick the fuck around,” he says, blowing smoke rings into the air. “Fuck this,” he says, flicking the cigarette to the ground and slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s it. Walk away. I always knew you were an asshole!” I shout after him, my voice carrying over the car as he walks away from me.

Tears glisten in my eyes, but I don’t bother wiping them away, not even when Xander glances back over his shoulder. It pains my heart to see him walking away, though I don’t know what I expected. Everyone knows that Xander doesn’t dorelationships. Yet, there are rumors that he doesn’t kiss, and yet he does that.

I move to the car and climb in, slamming the door in the process. Starting the engine, I quickly turn the car around and drive past Xander as he makes his way down the dirt track.

Through my blurred vision, I watch him slowly fade into the distance, becoming a mere speck in the rearview mirror.

Chapter nineteen

Poppy

Ican’t help but feel frustrated with myself. Ever since I had sex with Xander two days ago, I’ve been feeling on edge. Whenever my mother tries to talk to me, I’ve end up shouting at her. But now, she’s finally giving me some space.

When I arrived home that night after Xander walked away, I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t know what I’d expect would happen. No, I knew exactly what would happen. He walked away once he got what he wanted. After watching him all these years, I’m familiar with his patterns. However, despite feeling pissed at him, pissed at myself, and pissed at the world, I can’t get it out of my head that I had sex with Xander. The hottest guy in school, and my ultimate crush.

My thoughts are constantly playing tricks on me as I try to distance myself from him. However, memories of how amazing he made me feel and the way he touched my body keep replaying in my mind.

It’s frustrating that he hasn’t even bothered to text, but in all fairness, I haven’t reached out to him either. I suppose I finally understand where I stand. He got what he wanted and now he’s off to find another wet hole to stick his dick into, as he always does.

Glancing up from my E-reader at school today, I noticed him sitting with Ace in his usual spot, engrossed in conversation. Jade was also sitting there next to him. The mere thought of him doing to her what he did to me fills me with anger and jealousy. But the best part was when Jade tried to give him a lap dance, and he shoved her off. She ended up falling flat on her butt. I nearly laughed my ass off because she totally deserved it.

And then there was this one moment when he was sitting there all alone, just watching me. The second our eyes met, I swiftly gathered my stuff and hightailed it out of there, making sure he didn't see my tears. Yeah, my dumbass tears over some guy who doesn't give a shit about me and probably never will.

Every day that's gone by, I can feel myself weakening, wanting to give in and talk to him. I can’t help but wonder if he's eating. I’ve even started watching through the window again, just to see if he’s heading to the 7-Eleven for a quick bite. All I want is for us to be friends again like we were before. If only I had been more cautious with my silly crush. Maybe then, all of this could’ve been prevented.

By the fifth day, my mind becomes overwhelmed with a torrent of racing thoughts, suffocating me entirely. Jade and her bitches persist in their cruelty, showing no signs of relenting. I am too exhausted to summon the strength to fight back, so Isimply turn and walk away, while she revels in the laughter. Has Xander Williams truly broken me?

Then, for a few more days, after school, I end up driving around aimlessly, trying to delay going home and having to face my mom. I simply cannot endure another day of her incessantly questioning me about what’s bothering me, or her relentless belief that pursuing a career in music would be the gravest mistake I could ever make.

It’s been over a week since I had sex with Xander, and I’m feeling incredibly down. I can’t seem to focus or enjoy watching my favorite TV show. Everyday tasks feel overwhelming, and I’m struggling to function normally. How did I end up in this state of mind?

Today has been the worst day so far. Jade not only confronted me, but she also ratted me out for skipping English class and hanging out in the girls’ bathroom, which led to a week of detention. I just didn’t want to be around Xander during that class. I naively thought it would be fine to relax in the girls’ bathroom and scroll through my phone. However, I never considered the consequences of someone spotting me there, especially Jade, who I’m certain figured out I was in there and snitched to the teacher.

Finally, I let out a long, exhausted breath as the school bell signals the end of the day. All I want is to escape from this place. I casually sling my bag over my shoulder and make my way to my locker. Once everything is sorted, I quickly stuff the homework that’s due tomorrow into my bag, and then head out of school.

In the car park, there’s a bustle of activity. I navigate around a group of guys engrossed in a conversation about meeting up somewhere. As I search through my bag for my keys, I glance back up and catch sight of Xander casually leaning against the side of my car. My steps falter, and a surge of emotions washesover me. He is completely absorbed in his phone, oblivious to my presence. With a mix of anticipation and uncertainty, I stand there for a moment. My heart races as I gather the courage to approach him. But if he honestly thinks he can simply hook up with me again, he is mistaken.

As I draw closer, he lifts his head, the sound of my footsteps grabbing his attention. When our eyes meet, a jolt of electricity races through me, stimulating every fiber of my being. He rises and effortlessly slips his phone into his pocket.

"Hey," he says, his eyes scanning my body with intensity.

“What do you want, Xander?” I continue walking past him, heading towards the driver’s door.

“I want to talk,” he says, following closely behind.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I declare, opening the door and casually tossing my bag onto the back seat.

“Come on, Princess, we need to have this conversation,” he insists, reaching out to touch my arm.

I swallow hard, determined to push the overwhelming feeling aside. I take a deep breath and remind myself to focus on the task. Though the sensation lingers, weighing heavily on my chest, I refuse to let it distract me. With a firm tug, I yank my arm away from him, resolute in my decision to get into the car. “You made your feelings quite clear the other day,” I add.

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