Page 127 of Five Summers

“Well, he certainly seems like a dick,” she says.

“You nailed it, Princess. He is a dick.” I'm waiting for her to tell me she's not my princess like she did the last time I called her that. But she doesn’t.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” she asks, turning her head to look at me. “Why are you here?”

I pause for a moment, then turn my head to meet her gaze. “When I'm on tour, I just need some alone time to gather my thoughts.”

“Sorry, I can go if you'd prefer,” she says.

As she sits up, a desperate longing to keep her close compels me to reach out and gently grasp her wrist. It may seem strange, given that we aren’t on speaking terms, yet having her here is comforting. I can’t bear the thought of her leaving.

“Stay,” I tell her.

“Or I can just wait over with Neil if you’d like.”

If anyone needed to locate me urgently, I knew Neil would be the one to track me down. He understands my need for a peaceful spot where I can be by myself. That's why I like Neil; he never rats me out, unlike that asshole Trevor who runs to Reg whenever he sees me in my disguise, thinking I'm up to no good.

I choose not to respond to Poppy’s question; instead, I simply grasp her wrist. Whenever I touch her, it’s as if memories from the past blend with the present. I long to return to those days when I was younger. I wish I could go back and tell my foolish, aspiring rockstar self that leaving her behind would be the biggest mistake of my life. If I had the opportunity to redo it all, I would have stayed with her or asked her to come with me. Because all this time, all I’ve ever wanted was to call her and share my success.

The satisfaction of achieving my dreams and growing into the person I am today has never been as fulfilling as it could have been if she had been there with me, celebrating those moments of success together. With every milestone I reached, every chart-topping song, and every sold-out performance, all I wanted was to reach out and find out if she was proud of me, to know if she truly believed that I deserved her love and admiration.

She lays back on the ground, her eyes fixed on the sky overhead. Moments pass before she finally speaks.

“Is it always this hectic, like it was today?” she asks.

“Yeah, pretty much,” I respond.

I can sense her uncertainty as if struggling to find the right words to say. It’s unlike her to be so cautious. I miss the confident, smart-mouthed girl with all her sass. Just like today, I couldn’t help but feel super proud of her when she completely shut Reg down for being an asshole. It’s reassuring to see that her weak-ass boyfriend hasn’t extinguished the fiery spirit inside her yet.

“How did you find me,” I ask to fill in the silence, even though I know the answer to that question. I just want to move on from this tension and talk like we used to.

“Neil.” She props up onto one elbow and looks around the area. “It’s pretty here. I’d love to see it in the day.”

“Yeah, I'm sure it is, but I'll never get to see that. Sadly, I'll never get to see it unless I'm looking out the limo’s window.”

She glances in my direction. “Do you ever have any time for yourself?”

“Not really. And even if I did, it’s not like I could simply stroll around like everyone else,” I respond, keeping my eyes on her.

She nods and then lies back down. All I want to do is turn over and bury my face in the curve of her neck, savoring her scent just like I used to enjoy doing when we were younger.

“So that’s the reason for the wig and the cap.”

“Yeah. I know it looks pretty ridiculous, but it’s my go-to move, along with these sunglasses.” I hold them up to show her. “People still stare, amused by how stupid I look, yet they can’t quite pinpoint who’s hiding underneath. So, it works, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.”

“Do you ever get tired of all the fame?” she asks. “I remember that’s what you wanted.”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly what I had in mind. Don’t get me wrong, I'm grateful that I still get to make music and all, but it’s not what I thought it would be.”

“How so?” she asks.

“It’s just that I feel like I have no control over any of it. All we are to the label is a product. In the beginning, it was fine because we were pursuing our passion, chasing our dream, but now it’s lost its allure. Sometimes it seems like the label owns every part of me, and that’s something I can’t handle. It’s like we’re no longer seen as individuals, but merely a money-making machine.”

She keeps quiet for the moment as if considering my comment. She crosses her arms and rests them on her stomach, turning her gaze back to me.

“Regardless of all of that, you still wouldn’t change it, though, right?”

“No, probably not. But if I had known what I know now, maybe things would have turned out differently. I would have made different choices.”

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