Page 61 of Gift-Wrapped in a Kilt

"Listen, I didn't just abandon her emotionally. I ran away to Detroit." He shut his eyes, knowing Jamie might not be so understanding once she heard the rest. "Leanne, my wife, she tried to talk me out of it, but I had to get away from everything, I couldn't deal with it. I begged Leanne to come with me to Detroit. I had a friend there, somebody I served with, and he let us stay in his house while he was visiting family in Florida. I didn't even call Calli for a month. By the time I bothered to go home, two months after the accident, she'd already dealt with everything. I didn't find out until last year she'd married that creep Rade so he would pay all the bills that fell in her lap after our parents died."

Jamie withdrew one hand but kept the other on his cheek.

He leaned into her touch, grateful for the support. She had always supported him, in every way, even when he strung her along for eighteen months only to botch his proposal. He had to keep talking, to help her understand — to help him understand. The more he said, the more he got the feeling his parents' deaths had affected him more than he'd wanted to admit.

For Jamie, for himself, he forged ahead. "I'd been back for eight months when the accident happened. One minute my parents were here, the next they were gone. No warning. No reason for it. Dad lost control of the car, nobody knew why, and they slammed into a tree. Died instantly. It was a total shock, like getting sucker punched and thrown off a cliff. I mean, I can't even explain how I felt right after I heard about it. Numb. Off balance. Kept thinking it wasn't real, and I'd wake up any second to find out everything was okay. But it wasn't."

Jamie stroked his skin with her fingers, her palm still flat on his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Gavin."

"We got another shock after that. Turned out my dad got laid off, and he and my mom had been on their way to Wausau for a job interview when the accident happened." Gavin closed his eyes, wishing the warmth of Jamie's hand could banish the coldness of the memories, but it couldn't. "They'd been in debt, big time. Never told me or Calli. They must've thought they'd get things sorted out, and we'd never need to hear about it. All that debt… They were behind on their mortgage payments too, so the house had to be sold. I wanted to help pay off the debts, and Leanne agreed we should give Calli all the money we had in our savings account. It wasn't enough. I had no idea what Calli did to settle those debts."

"She chose not to tell you. It wasn't your fault you didn't know."

"Yes it was." He opened his eyes, boring his gaze into hers. "I'm her big brother. I should've taken charge and protected her. All Calli told me was she found a way, and I was too selfishly caught up in my own grief to ask questions. She married a man she didn't love, got handcuffed to him for five years, all to pay off our parents' debts. For years, my baby sister was terrified of getting arrested for marriage fraud and I had no frigging clue. I didn't want to see it. Calli should hate me. I failed her."

Jamie combed her fingers through his hair. "That's not what Calli says. She understood why you couldn't handle things. She feels guilty for not taking the time to help you through the ordeal."

Gavin jerked his head back. "Calli what? No, that's crazy. Why would she feel guilty?"

Jamie closed her hand over his. "She never told you she felt that way, did she? Oh Gavin, you and your sister need to have an honest discussion. You're both holding on to guilt for things that weren't your fault."

"Did she use the word ordeal? I mean, did she really think my problems were worse than hers?"

"Talk to Calli." Jamie touched her lips to his. "I think it will help both of you."

Sure, talking to his sister sounded easier than making friends with Rory, but it wasn't. He loved Calli, but they'd never been best friends. He hadn't known she got roped into a green-card marriage. He hadn't known that was how she paid off her student loans and the rest of the debts. Gavin had given her everything he had in the bank, but it hadn't been enough. And like the coward he was, he'd wired her the money instead of going home to help her out.

"Tell me about your wife," Jamie said.

Oh yeah, there was another subject he didn't want to get into — especially right after he'd confessed to being a total jerk and a loser. He evaded the question the only way he could think of, by asking Jamie one.

"Later," he said. "First, how about a little quid pro quo? What's the deal with you and Trevor?"

She yanked her hand away. "Ahmno interested in Trevor."

"Not what I was asking." Gavin slanted forward, planted a hand on the ground beside her hip, and stared into her hazel eyes. "You were serious about him. What happened? And why didn't you ever tell me you'd been engaged before?"

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jamie averted her gaze to the loch, hoping the glassy surface and the dark waters beneath would entrance her so she wouldn't have to answer Gavin's question. This unusually warm fall day had seemed like the perfect opportunity to spend more time with him, to talk about their problems, to reach some kind of conclusion about their future together. Naturally, he had to bring up the one topic she did not want to discuss.

After everything he'd confessed to her a moment ago, how could she not lay bare her own secrets? She'd avoided this topic for eighteen months, going so far as to omit her relationship with Trevor from any discussions of her past.

"You can tell me," Gavin said, sounding as sincere as he looked. "Come on, please, trust me. I'm not mad you didn't tell me, but I'd like to know why."

Oh, when he gave her that look and spoke in that voice, she wanted to cuddle up on his lap like a puppy and let him rub her belly all day long. Let him soothe away her fears. Let him make her forget they had any problems to sort out.

"I didn't tell you," she said, speaking slowly, the only way she could keep her voice calm, "because I'm ashamed of it. Ashamed of what I became for him."

Gavin didn't speak. He listened, with no anger or disappointment evident on his face, nothing but empathy visible there.

His understanding only made her feel worse.

She folded her hands on her lap, fingers woven together, and concentrated on her hands while she spoke. "I've never told anyone what happened with me and Trevor. Not even Cat or Fiona. Nobody knows. They all think I got bored with Trevor and ended things. I can't blame them for thinking it. I used to say I wanted to fall in love at every opportunity until I finally found my Prince Charming." She huffed at her own idiocy. "Silly and self-centered, isn't it?"

"No, not at all." Gavin reached out to touch her knee but pulled his hand away before making contact. "You told me the same thing when we first met. I loved the way you were so open to love, not afraid at all. I kind of envied that about you."

Though she kept her head down, she swung her gaze up to peek at him through a fall of her hair. "Why would you envy that? I play with men, knowing full well I'll never really love any of them."

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