Page 120 of Bound By Darkness

Fin gave a slight nod. “You do as well.” Taking a sip from his ale, a grin formed across his lips. “Be grateful I already started drinking. Otherwise, I’d also sit here and make fun of your boots too.”

Ivan’s jaw clenched slightly. “My boots too?”

Fin chucked his thumb toward me. “At least you both have similar style tastes.”

Despite his best efforts to hide it, Ivan’s eyes flicked over the span of my dress… slowly. A hand raised to rub his neck as his eyes finally stopped at my boots. “Nice boots,” he said before turning his attention to the fire.

“Yours too,” I muttered, the ale creeping up my spine in numbing waves as the heat of that gaze sunk into my skin.

Fin peered over into my mug as a frown formed across his face. “Looks like you need more ale. I’ll go find you some more and be right back.”

“You gave her ale?” Ivan’s brow raised.

Fin shrugged. “She deserves to live a little after all the mess she’s been forced into.”

“I can drink ale if I want to,” I said. “I can find it myself.” I took a step forward as Fin held out a hand.

“No, I insist,” he replied. “Be right back.” With a grin and a wink, he escaped into the fray, leaving me with the one person I did not want to be alone with. It didn’t help the ale subdued more than the tension. It also seemed to be breaking the mental walls I’d placed between us as those silver eyes met mine, a deep gnawing ache filling my stomach.

Pulling the wool cloak tighter to my frame, I cocked my head to the side. The world spun slightly at the movement. “What’s with the outfit?”

Ivan chuckled. “That’s your first question? I could ask you the same.”

I huffed out a breath. “Iyanna has… unique taste, doesn’t she?”

His eyes shimmered with the growing light. “Agreed, but I have to admit it looks quite lovely on you.”

Heat crept into my cheeks. “Thanks,” I muttered. The ale was a terrible vice as it stole the edge to my voice and myconfidence. It also didn’t help Ivan’s presence lit my skin on fire.

“How’s the mark?”

The pounding in my heart grew louder as it drowned out my senses. He looked amazing tonight. Much different than I’d ever seen him. It also didn’t help I kept thinking about his question to me.

What did I want? Did I really want him or did I want the opportunity to do something stupid? To do something for myself? Or was it the deep ache tethering me to him—of the thoughts at night that kept me awake, longing for even a spare moment next to him?

His hand lightly tapped against my shoulder, my thoughts dissipating like ashes in the wind. “The blood oath mark. How is it?”

My hand rose to it. “Oh. It’s—it’s fine,” I stuttered. “I’ve forgotten it’s there most days.”

“I haven’t.” His hand clenched by his side.

“You act like I’ve traded my soul to Balor itself.”

“You might as well have.”

I raised my hand as my fingers smoothed a crease in his shirt. “And if I did? The Mother has never been there for me. Maybe it’s time to rely on someone else.”

His hand gently tugged on my fingers, the momentum swinging me a few stones from his chest. “What if it’s time to rely on you? To giveyourselfa reason to live?”

His fingers interlocked with mine. It was tight, but not enough that I couldn’t remove my hand if I wanted to. His heart was a steady beat against my palm, much louder than the drums around us.

I swallowed the bitter ale rising in my throat. He was the most constant thing I had in my life, but why wasn’t it enough? Why was it never enough to live for others? “I?—”

Ivan’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Thalia, it’s okay tobreathe. It’s okay to wish for things. To have goals and dreams of your own.” A smile appeared. “You’re the one who taught me it’s okay.” His fingers brushed against my cheek as he tucked strands of hair away. His hand fell back at his side.

I hated the way my eyes fluttered—the way my knees buckled at that simple caress of his fingers.

“What is it you want?” he repeated, his lips an inch from my ear.

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