Page 87 of Rise of a Fallen Man

Why, despite my getting married, Salas was still the only man I’d ever been with?

I could’ve at least tried to sleep in Leafar’s bed on our wedding night. Maybe it would’ve made the matters worse between us sooner, but maybe some intimacy could’ve grown from that. I would never know that now because I’d never given it a chance.

Leafar accused me of avoiding him, and he was partially right. I felt more comfortable away from him than in his company. There was no natural pull that would bring me to him. Every minute I’d spent with him so far had been because of guilt or obligation.

Only now I understood the true source of all that massive amount of guilt that had been plaguing me. My struggle was not about keeping my loyalty to Leafar.

I’d been avoiding sex with him and fighting the expectations of two queendoms because the intimacy with my husband felt like a betrayal of my feelings for the former slave.

I never gave Salas a vow of loyalty. Yet in my heart, I stayed true to him and only him.

Chapter 23

Ari

Maids fussed over me, putting the final touches on my outfit of the lacy white gown adorned with drops of aquamarine and a long, heavy train embroidered with gold and blue.

I sent a maid to Leafar’s rooms. “Please let His Highness know I’ll come to take him downstairs in a few minutes.”

The prince was supposed to meet me at the top of the grand staircase, but I wanted to greet him in private first, to gauge his mood.

Today was the last ball before the Olakrez delegation’s departure. Aside from his personal valet and a few loyal gentlemen-in-waiting, Leafar’s escort was leaving the day after tomorrow. I worried he might feel sad or lonely. He was probably fearful about the duchess’s threats too.

The enormous train of my dress dragged behind me as I walked along the corridor to Leafar’s rooms. It was hard to move in these clothes. Thankfully, today’s ceremony required more poise than agility on my part, and after all the outdoor ceremonies, I was supposed to change into a more practical gown suitable for dancing at the ball.

I found Leafar in his dressing room with a whole army of valets and groomers getting him ready.

“Your Highness.” He lowered his head as I entered.

The men in the room bowed too.

Dressed in white to match my outfit, Leafar already had a wide-sleeved shirt on with lacy cuffs and turquoise cufflinks. Awaistcoat corset in blue-and-gold brocade tightly laced his torso with a gold cord at the back. A cameo pin of a horse carved from lapis lazuli in a gold frame sat deep in the ruffles of his voluminous cravat.

With his hair meticulously coiffed into waves and his chin smoothly shaven, Leafar looked like a prince from a fairy tale. But it didn’t escape me how pale his cheeks were or how nervously his eyes roamed the room, unable to settle on anything.

I searched for something to say to cheer him up and put him at ease. “I arranged to put a bid in for that baby horse you wanted.”

“The prized foal from Tresed?” He perked up.

“Right. That one.” I mentally congratulated myself for remembering to make the arrangements despite everything that had been happening lately. “The stable master said we have a great chance of winning it. My father will personally supervise the bidding process when it starts, and he’ll adjust our bid with every correspondence from Tresed.”

“Thank you.” He beamed, and I would’ve gotten him three baby horses, despite the ridiculously high price, if only that smile stayed.

Sadly, it slipped away quickly. Worry creased his smooth forehead.

“It’s time for us to go, isn’t it?” He snapped his fingers at his valet. “My coat.”

The man grabbed the white coat with gold buttons and shimmering embroidery along the cuffs and lapels, but I waved him away.

“You won’t need it,” I said to Leafar. “The day is warm.”

Leafar stared at me as if I’d just told him to go out in public naked.

“I can’t possibly show up at the ceremony in nothing but shirtsleeves,” he muttered, confused.

“You have enough layers on.” I gestured at his outfit—the shirt, waistcoat, long pants, and dress shoes with gold buckles. It left nothing but his hands and face exposed. “Any more, and you risk spending the day uncomfortably hot. But come, see for yourself.”

I opened the tall glass doors and walked out onto the balcony, inviting him to follow. With my train in the way, I couldn’t close the doors behind us, but out here Leafar and I had a little more privacy than in his dressing room filled with people.

---