Page 66 of Rise of a Fallen Man

“Leafar, it doesn’t have to come to that. Your aunt is not in this room with us. You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch. In the morning, no one will have to know what happened or didn’t happen between us at night.”

He blinked at me in bewilderment.

“You want me to lie to my family and to the rest of the world?”

I released a breath, feeling deflated.

“No... Of course not. I don’t want you to lie...”

There were way too many candles in the room. The air felt hot and stifling, but I didn’t trust to turn my back to him even for the few seconds I needed to open the patio doors.

Leafar let go of his crotch and sat up sideways on the couch.

I took a step back, keeping a safe distance from him.

He ran a hand over his hair, then tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“You know that my father...” he said. “I mean my real father, not the current King Consort of Olakrez... My father was executed for treason. That was the official verdict. But the true reason for his execution has always been the royal court’s worst kept secret. I knew the truth, even as a child.” His fingers found the button of his shirt next, twisting it right and left. “The queen met her current husband years after being married to my father. Divorce doesn’t exist in Olakrez. The servant who testified against my father came into a large amount of money right after, then died under mysterious circumstances. And the queen... the queen married her lover a week after my father’s death.” He turned to face me, resting his hand with the wedding ring on the back of the couch. “My father died because my mother, the queen, didn’t desire him anymore.”

I could only imagine what it felt like for him to be thrust into all those intrigues at such a young age. Fear must’ve been with him ever since.

“It will never happen to you,” I said with conviction and tipped my chin at his hand. “With that ring, I promised you my protection. No one will ever hurt you here, Leafar.”

“Yet you don’t want me.” His lips quivered. The corners of his mouth turned down in a tragic expression. “By the time my father was my age, he’d already given the queen two children, but even that didn’t save him. What chance do I have if your attention wanders elsewhere? If even my youth and good looks aren’t enough to ignite your desires?”

“Listen, frankly...I hardly even have any special desires to ignite...” I shook my head. “Leafar, you’re not your father. And I’m certainly not your mother. I married you for life, with every intention of our marriage to be successful. But one thing for sure won’t help. Cornering me here the way you did, forcing a kiss on me was a very wrong way to go about it.”

What he did tonight felt like a huge step back in the development of any kind of intimacy between us. His presence in my room made my skin crawl with unease now.

He looked at me with confusion. “They said that powerful women like being dominated in private sometimes. That if I made the first step, it might excite you enough to...well, to go ahead with the consummation.”

“Who said that?”

He scratched his head. “Some of my gentlemen-in-waiting.”

“Oh, Leafar.” I ran a hand down my face. “Why don’t you just ask me instead? Why would you rather solicit random advice from anyone else? Especially about a private matter like this?”

“But you’re always busy.”

True, I hadn’t made it easy for him to find the time to ask. It’d be extremely difficult to catch me between all my events and meetings, even if he’d tried. While I was running around all day, trying to get double of my usual amount of work done, Leafar had nothing to do in the palace. He spent his days fretting about sex or about the lack of it, with the added pressure from all his family and friends who urged him to do something about it.

“I’m sorry,” I admitted. “Trust me, I fear the public consummation just as much as you do. I should’ve found the time to talk to you. I’ve been incredibly busy, but I should’ve made the time, anyway. You see...” I owed him at least the courtesy of an explanation. “The advice you got may very well work for some women. With me, however, aggression is a very wrong approach. It terrifies me.”

“Iterrifyyou?” His mouth fell open in shock.

“When you acted the way you did tonight, yes. You scared me.”

“But... No.” His breath hitched. His face paled. He clung with both hands to the back of the couch. “Your Highness, please... This wasn’t an assault. I didn’t mean to...”

And now, he clearly feared I’d have him executed for assaulting me.

“Please, calm down.” I sighed. “You have nothing to fear. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you. I certainly will never hold your inexperience against you.” If there was any chance left for us to rebuild the trust and grow closer, I felt I should start by being honest with him, too, like he’d been with me. “You know I came to Rorrim when I was sixteen. But I didn’t just appear out of nowhere. I was born and raised in another world, in a very different one than this one. In my old world, men are usually the ones in power.”

His eyes grew bigger as he took my words in.

“Men are in power?” He tilted his head, looking intrigued by such a concept. “But how can it be? Men are not the creators of life like the Great Goddess. Women are.”

“Well, the ideology behind it can be twisted either way, even to the point of justifying all sorts of abuse.” I clasped my hands in front of me, holding his gaze. “Leafar, I want you to know that I’m not a stranger to fear and pain. I know what it feels like to fear for your life. When I was still a child, before coming here, I was forced to do things against my will... including sexual things. My sense of safety has been compromised, and it often feels like it’s been broken irreparably. I don’t know if my apprehension regarding sex results from that now, but it’s difficult for me to get close to a man or to have sex simply for the sake of sex. I will need a little patience and understanding from you. Please?”

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