Page 52 of Rise of a Fallen Man

Neither the grand duchess nor the queen of Olakrez had any right to stick their noses under the covers of my marital bed. How dared they interrogate either me or my husband about the private things happening or not happening in our bedrooms?

Yet there I was, being interrogated, instructed, and even threatened about how to proceed. And all I could do was just smile and nod reassuringly.

Any power I thought I had was turning into an illusion. The crown princess could do as she wished, but only as long as it fell within the limits of the laws, the traditions, and everyone’s expectations.

Ultimately, no one but Leafar and I knew what really happened between us at night. It was up to us to decide what to make public.

“Both Olakrez and Rorrim can have faith in me,” I said. “Now, if you excuse me, Grand Duchess, Lady Etah, Your Majesty...” I gave a formal bow to each of the women, getting up. “I’ll need to find my husband.”

Mother got up with me. “The prince went on a ride with the king consort and their gentlemen-in-waiting this morning.”

The duchess clicked her tongue disapprovingly, not missing the chance to shoot one last dart at me before my departure.

“It doesn’t do for a wife not to know where her husband is at any given time,” she pointed out curtly. “Too much freedom like that is a sure way to make a loose man out of even the most pious groom.”

MOTHER FOUND ME INmy study a few minutes later. I paced the room, still reeling from the meeting with the duchess.

My study room with its tall bookshelves, the cozy sitting area in front of the river rock fireplace, and an oak desk with the most comfortable chair behind it always had a calming effect on me, similar to the palace’s extensive library. Unlike the library, however, in my study I could be completely alone, and I often came here when I needed to mull things over in peace.

Except that peace was escaping me now. I felt too restless to sit, to talk, or even to think, unable to focus on any thought calmly.

Mother leaned with her back against the closed door.

“Ari, I thought that matter has been sorted out already.” The accusatory note in her voice was unmistakable.

The heel of my shoe caught in the long pile of the rug, making me trip. I stopped in the middle of the room, running my hands over my hair. It was pulled up into a bun, but I found a loose strand to tug on nervously.

“What’s going on?” Mother asked. “I thought you were fond of your husband. Was I wrong? What is happening between you two?”

“Nothing. Nothing is happening,” I muttered.

“Nothing at all?” She heaved a sigh. “It’s really concerning then. What is the reason for the delay? Have we not put in enough effort for you to become comfortable with men?”

It was so like Mother. She’d identified a problem. She’d put an effort into solving it. Now she expected it to be gone. And I was about to disappoint her.

“Achieving a certain level of comfort with one man,” I said, “doesn’t mean I’d be automatically comfortable with all of them, does it?”

Mother slid her fingers over the string of diamonds around her neck. “I suppose you’re right. But Prince Leafar is an agreeable boy, is he not? Is there something in him not to your liking?”

It had absolutely nothing to do with Leafar and everything to do with someone else.

I pulled at the strand of my hair again, as if the sting at the roots could sharpen my focus.

“Mother, you...you had other lovers before Father, didn’t you?”

“Of course, I did. I had a few.”

“Was it easy for you to give them up for Father’s sake?”

“Well, it wasn’t overly difficult. You see, dearest, sex is merely a physical act. It’s the person you have it with who makes it either more or less important.”

Her words had the opposite effect on me from what she must’ve intended. Now, my thoughts were with Salas again. Sex with him never felt like simply a physical act. He was important to me, even now.

“The moment I married your father,” the queen continued, “I knew my duty was to give the queendom an heiress. That gave a purpose to the growing intimacy between us. Do you not feel the same about the prince? He is your husband, the only man who can give you legitimate children. That should mean something, at least for now. Stronger feelings may come between you with time.”

I studied the pattern of the rug under my feet.

“What if I already have stronger feelings, Mother? But for someone else?”

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