Page 33 of Rise of a Fallen Man

I really didn’t need to know any of that. But I supposed I should be grateful it was her gladiator we were talking about, not mine.

Mine.

I sighed at the tug of wistfulness from that word.

My irritation wasn’t entirely Gem’s fault. I came to the gladiators’ quarters to check on Salas, to make sure he was okay after the animal attack in the arena. But it proved not enough. Seeing him wasn’t enough. Even him making love to me was not enough. The crumbs of time I got to spend with him were wonderful but wouldn’t satisfy me. I simply couldn’t get enough of that man.

I hated to leave. I felt jealous of every person in that room because, unlike me, they were free to stay in the same place where he was. I envied the witch who treated his injuries because I wished to be the one to take care of him. I wanted to change his bandages, to feed him dinner, and to kiss him goodnight when he went to sleep. I wanted it all.

My loss of control around Salas and the overwhelming need for him to be a part of my life scared me, and I had no idea how to deal with it.

“You fucked him,” Gem stated from her seat across from me in the carriage.

It wasn’t a question. She didn’t wait for a confirmation but for an apology.

I met her eyes but said nothing.

“You promised, Ari.” The bitterness in her voice sent another spasm of guilt through my chest. “You gave me your word that you would never see that man again. That was the deal, wasn’t it? That was the condition of my helping him. And you broke your promise.”

She was right.

Gods, she was so right.

But the taste of Salas’s kisses lingered on my lips. The sensation of him moving inside me was still too fresh and too wonderful for me to regret any of it.

“You have your gladiator, why can’t I have mine?” I challenged.

She scoffed. “You know why, Ari. But if you forgot, I’ll gladly refresh your memory.” She leaned forward, whisper-screaming at me, “Because he’s a whore and a criminal. According to the laws of our country—the country that you will rule one day by the law of the Crown of Rorrim that will grace your head—he should’ve been long executed. Every breath that man has taken for the past seven years has been a crime.”

I raised a hand between us, like a shield against her words.

“I’m not having this argument with you again.”

“You don’t have to.” She huffed in frustration. “Because nothing has changed since the last time we’ve had it.”

Her eyes shone with energy. Her cheeks flushed. Gem obviously felt strongly on the subject, and it wasn’t just the fear of losing her standing in the royal court that made her feel this way. She truly believed in the laws she worked to uphold. As a crown princess, I should believe in upholding them too.

I turned to the window, watching the tiny drops of moisture from the recent rain gather on the glass outside to trickle down in thin rivulets.

Blowing out a breath, Gem slumped back in her seat.

“Ari, this is just an infatuation, believe me. He was your first. Some women hold a special feeling for their first one. But that’s all there is. There will be more men in your life. You can have any other gladiator. Fuck, have them all after your marriage is done and settled. You wouldn’t be the first or the last queen to have lovers.”

In my mind, I agreed with Gem on one thing—I shouldn’t want Salas. I should finally propose marriage to my futurehusband and make the official announcement about our engagement. The whole of Rorrim and the entire world beyond had been waiting for me to do that. It was my duty. I owed it to the queendom that had become my home.

“It won’t happen again,” I promised flatly.

But could I stand behind my word? Or would it be another promise I had no power to keep?

I didn’t come to the gladiators’ quarters to do what I did. Sex had been the last thing on my mind when I rushed from the arena to see Salas. Yet when I saw him, when I felt his touch, when I held him close, it proved impossible to resist. It all spiraled out of control quickly.

Salas had become both my torment and my salvation. And I had to have him, healing and hurting at once.

Gem shifted forward and placed a hand on my knee soothingly.

“He’s so fucking lucky where he’s right now,” she said. “He has a safe place to live and great food to eat. He’s taken care of in every way. But that all can change quickly.” I glanced at her in alarm as she continued, “He needs to stay out of public attention, Ari. With the new stage name and with the costume that conceals his face, he can hide among the gladiators indefinitely. There are forty-nine of them now. Only those who stand out become famous.” She lifted a finger for emphasis. “Now think about how much more attention would he get if he were to become the favorite of the crown princess? How much scrutiny would the royal court and the city people subject the gladiator who captured the attention of the future queen? How deep would they dig into his past, trying to find out who he is and where he came from?”

The answer was—all the way. The courtiers were relentless in their gossip. A love affair of the crown princess would be too juicy a morsel not to squeeze every drop of drama out of it. Thepotential for a scandal was especially high since I was about to get married. The newest gladiator had an unknown past. It’d give a great motivation to many determined people to dig for more, possibly to the very bottom of it.

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