Page 94 of Rise of a Fallen Man

She had to stop me right then and there. But she didn’t.

“There are no horses here.” She smiled with a glance down the aisle between the stalls. “Wasn’t I supposed to teach you how to ride a horse on our date?”

Oh, I could turn this into a real date so quickly, our heads would spin. The consequences would be dire for both of us, but I found it hard to care about the consequences right now.

“I planned to take you swimming,” I reminded her. “But I’m afraid that can’t happen, unless you don’t mind scandalizing the court by swimming naked in the lily pond with me.”

“Would you really go swimming naked?” She gave me a teasing smile. I loved it when she smiled carefree like that. “Where is your male modesty, sir?”

“If you wanted modesty, my sweet princess, you shouldn’t have looked for a date in the gladiators’ quarters. Or slaves’ barracks. Or a fun house.”

“All proved to be the right places for me to find my perfect date. If only I knew how to keep him.” The smile left her. “We can’t date, Salas, with or without swimming. I can’t court you, remember? I’m a married woman.”

As if that was the only reason why she and I could never date. Even imagining it seemed like a sin. Yet I came closer to her, anyway.

“Then, I will court you. In your old world, a man can court a woman, can’t he?”

I watched her carefully when speaking about her old world. She didn’t flinch. The dark memories she harbored wouldn’t ever go away, but she had brought the demons of her past under her control. My strong, beautiful princess.

“Yes, Salas. In that world, men court women. And in another life, I’d be so...so happy to be courted by you.”

Tears glistened behind her eyeglasses. Her tears undid me. Always.

“Please, let me hold you, Ari.”

Her wine glass fell onto the hay strewn floor, spilling the priceless wine.

She stepped into my arms like coming home. It was more than a hug. More than a date. Because Ari and I were more than all of it. Larger than life itself.

It didn’t matter who reached first and who followed, whose lips touched another’s mouth, or whose cloak fell off first. When we kissed, nothing else mattered.

I wanted to make her feel better. Whatever weight pressed down on her, I wished to lift it. I wanted to be the one who put a smile on her face. But when she pulled away, tears still glistened in her eyes. And the most devastating thing was that they were there because of me.

“I made you cry.”

“No.” She shook her head quickly. “You...” She drew in a long breath, then exhaled quickly. “You are my happy place, Salas. I go to you in my thoughts when I can’t come to you in person. You are with me, despite the guilt and the heartache. And I’m keeping you in my heart, despite it all.”

The guilt and the heartache...

That was what I caused for her. I wished to give her the world, but all I gave her were tears. My decision to leave grew even more solid with that realization. Not for me, but for her.

Ari’s life could never include me. Yet I’d been sticking around for one and only reason—it was so fucking hard to leave her.

I’d taken every chance to stay in Egami, but for what?

To hunt the seating area from the arena for the rare glimpses of her on the royal platform? For even rarer conversations, filled with dread of imminent parting? Because no matter how strongour bond was, no matter how passionate our encounters turned, they were always going to end with us parting.

“Sweetheart...” I brushed the tears off her cheeks with my thumbs, wishing I could erase all her sorrows just as easily. “It will be better soon, I promise.” With me gone, she wouldn’t have to go through all these emotions in the same maddening cycle over and over again. “I’m leaving Egami, Princess. It will be simpler that way.”

“You’rewhat?” She gripped my arms as if I were walking away already. “But why?”

But she knew the reasons. And in her mind, I believed she agreed with them too. She had a smart, practical mind, my sweet princess.

“No...” she exhaled, pressing her forehead to my chest. “I know I can’t hold you. But how am I supposed to let you go?”

My heart was breaking, but at the end, it’d be easier for her without me standing between her and her duties.

Her body shuddered with her next breath. “When I’m with you, I never feel guilty. It only feels like a betrayal when you leave. I can’t keep watching you leave, Salas.”

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