Page 93 of Rise of a Fallen Man

She made decisions based on reason and consideration. But there was nothing reasonable about meeting a former whore in a former slave barrack, was there? She’d chosen a life partner already, and it wasn’t me.

But here I was, like a love-sick puppy, waiting against all odds for my princess to appear in the door.

It was dark in here, save for the sole candle I’d brought. The slaves had been long gone. The horses had been moved, too, since the princes of Tresed and the Western Islands had departed. But the faint smell of horses still lingered in the air. Personally, I found the scent warm and comforting. I liked horses, even if I would never ride one.

The wide door creaked open.

“Salas?” Ari walked in, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

She wore a dark cloak over a simple flowery dress. Yet to me, she looked more regal than ever. My princess, who could never be mine.

“You came,” I exhaled.

“I did. When I shouldn’t have.” She adjusted her glasses, clutching the side of her cloak with her other hand.

She was nervous. She probably hadn’t slept well the night before, and today had been exhausting for everyone. I wished I could wrap her in a soft blanket and bring her to bed, then hold her while she slept peacefully.

Only I doubted she’d find peace any time soon. Something gnawed at her, more than the usual business and concerns of her occupation.

I took a step toward her. “You know one of the many things I love about you?”

She peered at me closely. “Tell me.”

“That you know what you want, and you go for it.”

“I do?”

I nodded firmly. “You wanted justice for me, and you worked on it. You knew you wanted me in your bed, and you got me. You want to make this world a better place for everyone, not just for the select few, and you’re doing everything to get into the position to make it happen. And right now, you want to come to me for a hug. Only for some reason, you’re hesitating.” I paused, giving her a chance to argue, but she didn’t say a word to contradict me. “Would a glass of white help you relax?”

She blinked, taking a look around.

“You have wine here?” She finally noticed the silver tray on the upturned barrel next to one of the stalls.

“It’s a good one.” I filled two glasses with a splash of wine each, then put the bottle back on the tray next to the candle and the wide lily pad I’d filled with raspberries on my way to the barracks. “I stole it from the queen’s palace.”

“You stole it?” She laughed.

It was a short, nervous burst of laughter that died quickly. But I loved hearing it, anyway.

“Well, it was served to the guests at the party. I figured that since I was an officially invited guest this time, it was for me too.” I handed a glass to her, then clinked it with mine. “To you, Princess.”

She barely touched her wine, glancing back at the tray with the candle and the berries.

“It almost looks like a date,” she muttered softly.

A date?

That wasn’t my intention. I’d found a quiet place for us to talk, since she’d looked at the ball like she desperately needed to talk to someone. And also, because I had something to tell her too.

While I watched Ari dance with the prince tonight, I realized I couldn’t stay in Egami for much longer.

I stayed because she needed me. I wanted to be here for her as someone she could trust, because just like big hugs and genuine kisses, trust was a rare commodity in the palace. After what happened yesterday, however, I realized I couldn’t trust myself around Ari. I couldn’t watch her going through life as a wife of another man, dancing with him, bearing his children, and growing old at his side.

If she came to me for help again, I couldn’t trust my well-intentioned hugs not to turn into something more. If she looked at me the way she did back in the hallway yesterday, I couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t end up coming on my hand again, or worse.

The problem was that in my mind, Ari belonged to me and only me. When in reality, she never was mine. I didn’t lure her here to convince her otherwise or to change anything. This wasn’t a date.

Yet as I set the glass back onto the tray, I heard myself asking, “What if it was our date? Like the one we planned, remember?”

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