Page 61 of Downfall of a Princess

Their leader gripped my hair and fucked my mouth until I gagged. Thankfully, he finished before I got sick. Otherwise, I believed he would’ve shot me. I threw up on the pavement right after. They laughed. That was when themeliciashowed up.

The localmeliciaconducted raids every now and then. They made it look like they were “cleaning the scum from the city.” But what they really did was collect bribes. Those who could pay them off were left alone to do as they pleased. When the sirens of their cars blared, everyone ran, and that was the only time when I did not.

“When the citymeliciashowed up right after,” I said, “I walked out of that alley and let them arrest me. I figured jailcouldn’t be worse than living on the street. When the authorities learned how young I was, they sent me to an orphanage.” I cleared my throat again. It felt dry like sandpaper and tight, so tight, I could barely breathe. “And that was my closest experience to having sex with a man, Salas...”

He looked at me, but I wasn’t sure what he saw. The expression on his face was as if a bomb had just exploded around us, rearranging our surroundings, and he was still trying to figure out where all the pieces had fallen.

“Ari.” He reached for me.

My foot on the couch was the closest part of my body to him. I yanked it away, tucking both my legs under me. His hand ended up landing on the satin upholstery of the seat.

“Ari?”

Ari was a princess. She was confident, powerful, and brave. But she wasn’t me. She couldn’t be. Because I felt scared, lost, and helpless all over again.

“My name is Ira,” I told him.

“Ira is her name. Ira, Irina,”Dad’s raspy voice shook with need and desperation, sounding as real as on that night.

Everything I’d tried so hard to leave behind followed me into this world where I’d thought I’d be safe.

“Ira was what they called me back in the place where I grew up. It wasn’t a happy place, Salas. Everyone drank. Men and women. When sober, they were hurting and angry, so very angry. Fights were common. My parents screamed and fought all the time. One of the first things I learned in life was to hide. I remember always wishing I could turn invisible because if they didn’t see me, they couldn’t hit me.”

“I... I had no idea.” His eyes glistened in the dim light of the room.

“For a while, it was better in the orphanage,” I kept talking, unable to stop. “I tried to forget about the past. I believedthat if I didn’t think about it, it would just disappear. Because what is the past but our memories? Without memories, it can’t exist. I focused on school because math and grammar filled my mind with things that didn’t cause pain. I didn’t know what was actually happening in the girls’ bedroom at night. I still don’t know how many girls had been hurt by the man who was supposed to protect and look after us, before... Before he tried to hurt me.” I ran both hands down my face. Why wouldn’t the memories stop pounding against my skull? I was purging them. Shouldn’t it feel lighter inside me now? Instead, darkness thickened, heavy and suffocating. “That night, I had nowhere to run. I should’ve been dead, or raped, or both. But instead, I ended up here, in Rorrim. People say it was a miracle, and I don’t see how it could’ve been anything else.” I lifted my head to see his face. “Salas, why would men look at a woman and see an object instead of a person? Why do they think she was put on this Earth to be used by them? Why do men feel such an entitlement to a woman’s body? And why are there always people, both men and women, who enable that delusion? The more power a man has, the more he gets away with, the less there is a chance for him to be held accountable.”

“It’s not just men, Princess. And not just where you came from.” His voice boomed through the night, but instead of tearing the darkness to shreds, it made it press down heavier.

This wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

It couldn’t be...

My mind reeled. Reality spun off its axis.

“You have no idea what that world is like,” I snapped. “You don’t know...”

But deep inside, I had a feeling that heknew. From the very first moment I’d laid my eyes on this man, I felt he understood me. Because his past must be similar to mine in some ways. Only how could it be when his past was worlds apart from mine?

The terrible things that happened on the other side of the mirror couldn’t possibly happen here.

“It’s not true.” I shook my head so hard, it was a miracle my neck didn’t snap in half. “Not in Rorrim.”

This world was supposed to be safe for everyone, ruled by the wise and just queen, my mother.

“Take a look outside of the palace walls, Princess.”

“No. You don’t understand.” I scrambled off the couch. “It’s not the same. It just can’t be. In Rorrim, crimes are punished. Justice always prevails. Misogyny simply doesn’t exist. The system works—”

“Ari, listen to me.”

“No...” I kept shaking my head.

Staring at him now was like looking into the dark tunnel inside the mirror. I dreaded what would leap out at me with his next words. My stomach churned, threatening to expel my dinner. With trembling fingers, I gathered the bodice of my dress and yanked it up to cover my chest.

“You should go,” I said, avoiding looking at him.

I’d allowed my past into my present, and its darkness soiled my light, filling me with shame and regret. I’d let Salas touch me. He’d seen me naked and at my most vulnerable. And now, he knew my secrets... All of them.

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