Page 96 of Wingless Crow: Part 1

My hand trembled slightly when I knocked on Voron’s door the next morning. I had a strong urge to cancel today’s lesson, unsure how to face him after what happened last night, but decided against it.

Canceling felt like a failure, as if I was hiding from him, when I hadn’t done anything wrong. If we broke any rules or crossed a line, we’d done it together. Besides, I’d enjoyed it too much to feel guilty about what had happened between us.

His rejecting me right after still burned. But if I canceled our lesson, it would show him that it did. Instead, I borrowed a page from Voron’s own book and pretended I didn’t care.

My head held high, my shoulders squared, I willed my hand not to tremble and knocked again, firmly.

As Alcon led me to Voron’s inner room, I breathed evenly. Only my heart fluttered nervously with anticipation. I wouldn’t admit to anyone that one of the reasons I never canceled the lesson was because this hour spent with Voron had become the highlight of my day. The morning seemed brighter when I got to see him.

He met me at the game table outside.

“Good morning, Sparrow.” His usual cool greeting helped me calm my nerves a little.

It was humid and stifling outside. Thick puffy clouds hung low, pressing the air to the ground and making it hard to breathe.

“Good morning, Voron.” Avoiding his eyes, I stared at the carved feather of the pin in his necktie.

He must have more than that one pin, and I wondered if he was wearing this one on purpose. What purpose would that be? If it was to remind me about the mercy he’d granted upon my request, then it wasn’t necessary. Acts of kindness couldn’t be forgotten. They were rarer than precious stones in Elaros.

The tension around us wouldn’t dissipate. It hung in the air thick with moisture, pressing heavily on my chest.

“Shall we?” I gestured at the game table. Maybe if we started playing, the usual friendly atmosphere of our lessons would return?

Voron didn’t appear in a hurry to start the game, though. He looked rigid, standing by the game table. His thumb was tapping against the table’s edge, and I wondered if he was even aware of the gesture.

“Sparrow.” His voice sounded rougher than normal. “First, I want to make it clear. What happened last night can never happen again.”

After the way he’d behaved right after, I assumed that much. Still, hearing him confirm that out loud added another stab to my wound. I’d rather we both pretended nothing happened, even as I doubted that would make it hurt any less.

My throat felt too dry, forcing me to swallow before replying.

“Of course, High General. You don’t need to worry. I’ll manage my expectations accordingly from now on.”

His dark eyebrows shifted closer together, forming a deep crease in between as he studied my face. Evading his eyes, I pushed away from the game table.

“I know where I belong—in King Tiane’s bed.” I couldn’t resist a punch back, and I hoped it hurt him with at least a fraction of the pain his rejections had caused me. “Now, I think it’s best to cancel this lesson. I have some oils to rub on my body in case His Majesty wants it tonight. At least, he’s the one who has no qualms about touching me and has no remorse after.”

I spun on my heel on my way to the exit but never got a chance to open the door.

Voron was right behind me. Grabbing the door frame on each side of me, he caged me.

“You told me once you wished to hate me, Sparrow.” His hot breath hit the side of my neck from behind as if he were to either bite or kiss me there. “Do it. Hate me. Hate me so much, you won’t stand being near me.”

“Why don’tyoustay away fromme?” I asked softly, staring at the door in front of me.

His breath traveled up my neck to my ear. He was so close, I felt the heat radiating from his body. But no part of him touched me.

“I wish I could stay away, little bird, but I can’t. I pray you’re stronger than me. Help me. Hate me. Gods know I’ve given you enough reasons to hate me.”

Oh, I knew all the reasons perfectly well. I just couldn’t summon a shred of hate for him anymore. My entire being reached out to him whenever he was close. And when he was away, my mind followed him wherever he went.

“I wish I could,” I echoed his words. “Trust me, I still desperately wish I could hate you.”

But I could only flee.

Turning the handle, I shoved at the door, practically flying out into his receiving room. Voron’s men jumped to their feet, drawing their weapons.

I didn’t stay long enough to hear whether Voron explained to them my sudden departure. Running to the door, I fled his rooms and made it to mine completely out of breath.

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