Page 40 of The Bratva's Bounty

But that's not to say I didn't love Nicole!

I just…

Fuck me.

Chapter 20

Lev

~3 days later~

"Lev. Why do you have scissors to your neck?" Nikolai's heavy steps stopped with his tired groan.

"You know what? Don't stab yourself until I've had some coffee. I can't deal with your shenanigans this early in the morning without caffeine," he told me tensely with a hand held out in my direction. "Over thirty fucking years, and it never ends," he mumbled.

Scoffing offendedly, I loosely pointed the sheers in his direction. "Debating how much I value my life." I deadpanned, instantly regretting my choice of words because I didn't mean to sound like an ungrateful brat ready to end himself.

"Lev," Nikolai groaned into his hands as he ran it down his face. "We've talked about this. Not in the fucking house or my backyard. Listen, Stepan is just down the road." Okay, now he was fucking with me with how his voice picked up toward the end.

Rolling my eyes, I slammed the kitchen shears down onto the counter. "Kolya," I choked out, struggling for a moment to pace my breathing. "Howdo you do it? Love someone? How do you become fine with becoming so vulnerable?"

Dumbfounded, my older brother stood there, blinking at me. "Yeah, no, fuck this. I need my coffee first," Nikolai decided, before going about the kitchen, to put a pot of coffee on.

Sighing heavily, he leaned against the fridge and rubbed his temples as he waited for the pot to be done. "Lev, just spit it out because, honestly, you've been acting really strange the past few months." Nikolai's face softened with concern, genuine concern. "What is going on with you? Talk to me, please." It was rare for Nikolai to truly plead to anyone, let alone me.

Taking in a deep breath, I gripped the edge of the counter. "Nicole… I don't know what to do." I saw Nikolai's body twitch and his mouth open out of the corner of my eyes, but I held a hand out to stop him. "As in, I don't know how to process everything I feel for her."

Okay, maybe that didn't come out right either.

Frustrated, I ruffled my messy hair with both my hands. "I just…" Sighing exasperatedly, I pounded my fist against the marble countertop. "I know you and Angel didn't exactly start off normal and all, but how did you come to love her and just accept everything? Like I want to give Nicole my heart, but every time I think about doing it, I feel like an embarrassed clown. It makes me feel so broken and vulnerable." And now I probably sounded like a total wimpy loser.

"Ah, love." Nikolai gave a sympathetic chuckle before stepping up to me and patting my shoulder. "It's not easy."

Turning away for a moment, Nikolai rummaged through his kitchen. I paid him no mind because there was nothing to watch—I've seen him go through his own kitchen numerous times.

A suddenclink, along with the vibrations of thick glass next to my hand, made me give Nikolai my full attention again. "Kolya, even I'm not that stupid to drink at eight in the morning." I deadpanned, flickering my eyes at the bottle of vodka he set out.

Raising his eyebrow, Nikolai breathed out a chuckle. "Oh, you're going to need it. I'm just being nice and giving it to you beforehand," he joked with a dry chuckle. "You've got a long road ahead of you, little brother."

Going back to the coffee machine, he filled his mug. "Love is complicated, even when it is clear. It makes you turn into someone you are not, often for the better, though." Flashing me a sympathetic smile, he leaned back against the counter, sipping at his coffee. "It's going to be a hard one for you to swallow given how you are, but whatever is happening with Nicole, let it."

Reeling back a little, I crossed my arms and scoffed. "Who said it had to do anything with Nicole?" I got a little defensive because I hated how Nikolai pried at the right places.

Letting out a ridiculous scoff, Nikolai looked at me sardonically with a smug smirk and raised brow. "Lev, you've been acting strange ever since Nicole showed up in your life. It's not hard to put one and one together to make two." He mused with a chuckle.

Shaking his laugh off, he looked at me seriously. "Don't fight it, Lev. Yes, opening yourself to someone like that is scary, but trust me, it's worth it. If Nicole is the right one, then she will treasure the fact you made yourself vulnerable to her because you trust her," pausing, he took a few sips of his coffee with a satisfied sigh, "It's okay to let other people in Lev, especially if your gut and heart are pulling you in their direction. I know it's not easy for you to let people in. It's who you are, but don't let that stubborn shield of yours prevent you from having the best life."

Pulling his phone out, he smiles at the screen for a good moment before tucking it away. "I can't tell you how to love someone. That's something that comes naturally to you and your relationship with your partner. What I can tell you is that you really have a rough road, but there's a field of happiness at the end of it. Just… Have a lot of patience, don't punch first before you ask questions, or God forbid, shoot first before questions," Nikolai jabbed at me with a snicker on the last part.

"That, and a nice glass on the rocks helps," Nikolai added with a soft laugh. "Also, what were you doing with the sheers in my kitchen?" he inquired with a somewhat concerned raise of his eyes.

Smiling and chuckling awkwardly, I rubbed the back of my neck, tugging at the collar. "I was hiding from Nicole… While debating whether or not to cut her collar off." I also might have been hiding to avoid another potential case of death by poisonous food.

Yeah, Nicole was still in denial about her food beingthatbad despite being unable to stomach all the meals she had made for us. Every meal she tried to make us resulted in takeout. I really should ban her from the kitchen before the fumes kill us. Honestly, I adored Nicole from the bottom of my fucked-up heart, but that woman cannot cook and should not be allowed within a ten-foot radius of a kitchen.

The faint patter of footsteps had Nikolai and me looking over to the kitchen's entrance. "Oh, Lev, hey," Angel greeted me with a sleepy smile before going over to Nikolai and snuggling herself into him. Nicole's looking for you. I think she said something about sending you back home for breakfast?"

Instinctively, my stomach churned with a threat to throw up at the thought of putting anything Nicole made into my mouth. "Nope. Tell her I drowned in the pool or that Kolya finally had enough of me and punted me into a volcano." I threw my head back with a groan of complaint. "Listen, Nicole is lovely, but—"

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