Page 94 of Burning Your Lies

The ache in my chest intensifies. I struggle to find words to convey that their child is no more because of us. If we nevergot him involved, he would be alive. “He moved abroad to join Elliot,” I lie.

“Without telling us?”

“It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he took it.”

The room falls silent and I can almost feel them calling me a liar. But I can’t tell them the truth. Not only to protect Savannah, but also their hearts.

“There is one hundred thousand in there.”

Neither of them acknowledge my statement, both lost in their thoughts. A single tear falls down his mother’s cheek as she stares at the ground.

“He’s dead, ain’t he?” his father asks.

I open and close my mouth, unsure of what to say.

He takes my silence as confirmation. “Was it quick?”

Their faces blur behind my tears. My voice comes out quiet and shaky. “Yes.”

“Will he be returned to us?”

“I don’t know.”

He grabs the arm of the sofa to help pull himself up. He stands in front of me and offers a handshake. “Thank you.”

I grip his hands. “What for?”

“For saving us the heartache. My son was a good boy. He was just a little troubled. He wanted more than we could ever give him. That does not make him a bad person.”

I stand up and hold his shoulder. “Your son was a good person. He died protecting the life of someone he cared very much about. He was brave. He was witty. And I miss him.” My throat tightens.I need to get out of here.“If you ever need anything, please find me.” I rush out of there, needing air in my lungs.

But no matter how fast I walk, I hear the bone-crushing howl of a mother mourning for her son.

I close my eyes and tilt my head up. The droplets from the showerhead hit my face at a fast tempo. The bathroom fills with steam as the water scalds my skin. But nothing eases the dull ache in my chest.

You’re stronger than this, Ray. Pull yourself together, dammit. He was one life of the millions that exist. You’ve taken the lives of many yourself. Stop acting like a weakling.

No matter how much I reprimand myself, my lungs expand and then I am crying. My tears wash down the drain with the rest of the water, but does little for my pain. My fists come down on the tiles as my cries grow and soon I am sobbing.

He wasn’t just a life. He was a person. He was a son. His parents have to grieve for a son they didn’t deserve to lose. They can’t give him a final resting place. No parent should have to bury a child, but at least that gives them a sense of closure. They won’t ever get that.

And there is Mia. What is her family doing? How much worry is consuming them? Nobody has contacted Savannah to query her whereabouts. Have they not wondered where their daughter is? Or, like Sara, is she going to remain a hidden secret of Xavier’s?

I don’t flinch when a pair of arms wrap around my waist. Savannah rests her cheek against my back. She holds me as I grieve for a set of human I grew to care about.

“They shouldn’t have died.”

Savannah is crying too. “I know.”

“Did we do this?” I turn around. I hold her chin so I can look at her. “Are we the reason they are lying lifeless in a warehouse somewhere?”

“Idid this.” Her hand holds my cheek. “It was not you. I stole the diamond. I pulled the trigger. This is not your burden.”

Pulling Savannah against me fills me with a warmth the burning water couldn’t. I hold on to her as if it will erase the heartache I have felt since I heard of their murder.

“I miss them,” she whispers. “They were the only family I had left. Sometimes I lay in bed and it’s like there’s a weight sitting on my chest, crushing me. And nothing makes it go away.”

Every bone in my body aches from carrying guilt. “I went to see Jordan’s parents.”

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