Page 88 of Burning Your Lies

He smiles at her. “Perhaps you could join them sometime.”

The glint in her eye is hard to ignore. “There’s always some fun in having secrets between just us girls.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” he jokes.

She playfully slaps his arm. “All us women have secrets from our partners. I’m sure Savannah has a few of her own Ray is not privy to.”

Nobody but me can detect the undercurrent to her tone. She knows I still haven’t told Huxley about Mia and Jordan.

“Please excuse me.” I leave the room, holding onto Elise as if she can protect me from the mixture of emotions swimming in me.

I feel suffocated at the dinner table between Huxley and Xavier. The presence of both men overwhelms me. I desperately need to leave. I call for Brynn. “Set her next to me.” I ignore Xavier’s irritation as Elise’s chair is put between me and him.

Having someone else to focus on, the weight in my chest eases. I’m completely amazed at all the skills she has developed and I find joy in her eating a meal the way only a mother can.

“Savannah, your food is getting cold.”

In the time I’ve had my back turned to him, Huxley has filled my plate and eaten halfway through his. Just one look at him, and all I want to do is cry.

“You’ll have to invite some of your friends next time, Savannah,” Brynn says from across the table. “What were their names again?”

Xavier hides his smile behind his hand. “Mia and Jordan,” he answers for me.

The mere sound of him murmuring their names fills me with an overwhelming heaviness, tears welling up in my eyes as I’m reminded of the void their absence has left behind. He silently challenges me to kick up a fuss. But I keep my composure. “This isn’t really their thing.”

“I’m sure they’ll enjoy it. Ray, why don’t you call them and invite them over to games night at our home next week?”

She’s trying to force me to tell him the truth.

“Sounds like a wonderful idea,” Xavier goads.

“They’ve gone travelling,” I blurt out, not wanting to talk about them here.

But Huxley’s body stills and he studies my side profile. His face is a blank canvas, but I love him enough to know he’s hurting. His leg momentarily jitters and his thumb twitches. Then his empty eyes meet my tear-filled ones and I know he understands what I mean.

I push my chair back and stand up. “I need to use the ladies’ room.” I don’t wait for anyone before I am rushing out of there. I barely make it up the stairs and into a bedroom before my back is pressed against a wall and I am covering my mouth to contain my sobs. But nothing works, not even when I count to ten or give myself a pep talk. My cries are absorbed by the walls, uncaring and free.

He shuts the door behind him and traps me between the wall and his body. His blue eyes are vibrant and full of life. “You always look so beautiful when you cry.”

“Please, just leave me alone.”

He tucks my hair behind my ear. “You know I can’t do that, Savannah. Me and you are bound by something so much stronger than marriage. It doesn’t matter whose ring you wear, or the bed you sleep in, I will always be with you. You cannot escape me the same way I cannot be without you.”

I look at him. “How could you do that to me? They were all I had left.”

“You only need me.”

Unable to stop myself, I fall apart in his arms. “How do I make it stop, Xavier? I can’t do anything without them haunting me.”

He moves away from me and takes a seat on the bed. “When I die, will you cry for me?”

I brush my tears away. “What?”

Already having an answer, he shakes his head. “Stupid question. You can’t cry if you’re dead.”

“I hate you,” I whisper. “I fucking hate you.” I storm over to him. “I hate you!” I scream as loud as I can.

“And I love you. Even though you’re the worst thing to have ever happened to me, I love you. And I would rather kill you than let anybody else have you.”

---