Page 83 of Big Daddy

It doesn’t matter that conversations between all of us could have been prevented today. That dialoguing with me over the secret could have saved us a week of agony. There’s no question in my mind whether both Brielle and Winnie are thinking about all the ways this could have gone down better. Of course they are.

The truth is, none of this would have happened if I would have been a better father and a better partner.

This is on me.

All of it.

And I plan to make it fucking right.

I lift the handset and hit the speed dial for Kennedy. She answers not a moment later. “This is Kennedy.”

“You know,” I say, thinking aloud. “In the past I probably would have said, ‘I know this is Kennedy because I called you.’”

She snorts. “Yeah, you would have.”

I click my tongue, still staring at the photo of myself and my daughter. “I’m… I will be working on that. And I’m sorry for being an asshole for years. That’s a me thing, not a you thing.”

Kennedy’s laugh is so organic that I can’t help but crack a smile, even though I know it’s at my own expense. “Oh, I know it’s a you thing. But…” she trails off, her laughter, too. “Thank you.”

I clear my throat. “I need a big favor.”

The sound of the phone ringing in my ear has my gut tight, sweat forming above my brows. She tried calling me and I, like I always have, ignored her. Why should she answer now? I don’t blame her if she?—

“Dad?” Brielle picks up, out of breath as if she ran to answer it.

“Brielle, do you have a few minutes?” I feel guilty even asking because I know I don’t deserve it. This was her big news day, and I made it about me. Jesus, women really are right about men.

“Yeah, just, let me—hey, it’s my dad. I’m gonna pop into the office, get the sunlight up and mount those studio lights up. I want them to be cool, up to 8500k. I’ll be back.” Heels click and voices whirr, and my chest tightens, listening to my daughter own her work space with confidence and authority. She hasbecome the woman I dreamed of in so many ways and yet, it’s all her. She made it despite me, not because of me. And I see that now.

“Dad, listen?—”

“No,” I start, my tone stern and unrelenting, giving way to more emotion than I had intended. “Brielle, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I’ve been the one doing it wrong for years.”

The line floods with tension-filled silence.

“I thought… I thought what you needed was a stern hand to keep you focused, that if I allowed you to grieve for too long, you’d lose ambition and drive and… I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what I thought anymore. Because now, looking back, it all seems so stupid.”

Brielle sighs. “I know you always wanted the best for me, even if you were overbearing. And an asshole most of the time.”

“A father should never be an asshole to his child, Brielle. I am, from the bottom of my heart, so sorry. I hold so much regret.”

“I know you do, Dad.”

I shake my head, sifting my hands through my hair, pulling at the ends as fire spreads through my body, leaving me uneasy and anxious. “It’s not fair, the way I raised you.”

“I had everything I ever wanted,” she argues.

“You didn’t have the father you deserved.”

Silence stretches between us again before she says quietly, “I do now. Dr. Wilder is helping us. And the truth? Winnie is changing you.”

“She has,” I admit, my chest softening at the sound of her name. I miss her. I devoured her like an animal then exploded on her and left. Guilt swarms my collar, leaving my neck hot.

“I shouldn’t have told Winnie. I realize that asking her to keep something from you puts us all in terrible positions.”

“I know why you did. I understand it, Brielle. It was me who needed to understand and see it from your eyes, and hers too. And I have. I understand it now. And you don’t need to be sorry.”

In the background, the door opens. “You okay, B?” Lance asks.

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