Page 69 of Pandion

“How can I not worry about it, though?”

“It’s been a long day. You should sleep. I’ll be right there.”

“I’ll wait here if that’s all right with you.”

What a sweet sentiment, but hell no. Kagesawa searched for the right words to no avail. Instead, a vivid mental image of ripping off that suit, pinning Satoru between himself and the glass and giving in to the feedback loop came to mind. Maybe if he stared intently off into the distance as a meditative exercise to ignore Satoru’s presence…?

A hand was placed on his. He tried to distance himself from the sensation, but it was clearly Satoru’s hand. The likelihood of a disembodied limb turning up from thin air was, after all, nonexistent. One option was to start an argument, but when all he wanted to do was kiss Satoru until he was too tired to even speak, he found it difficult to force himself to fight.

Of course, the prospect of Satoru pinning him against the glass wall in anger was even better. Was there a chance he could do something like that while dampening without it escalating?

The chances weren’t great based on past experience, but it also didn’t seem impossible. Would Satoru happen to be in the mood at all? He seemed to be in a vulnerable place right now. This whole hand-holding thing didn’t seem compatible with the ripping and the ramming that Kagesawa was thinking of.

Maybe he needed to suck it up and say it out loud. How bad could it be?

“I could use a little time to myself,” he began.

“Oh?” Satoru sounded disappointed. He removed his hand. “All right…”

“A little space, to clear my head.”

“I understand.”

“I mean, if I’m trying to be an adult about it, I should be alone right now. Really, I’d much rather have you here.”

“Huh?”

“I’d much rather have you ***** your **** and maybe also ******* up my *** while you’re ****ing my ****. Then ***** me against that glass over there until I scream for mercy, but I realise this is not the time or the place.”

“What?”

“I don’t know if I can dampen reliably if you’re *****ing my ****, so there’s that. But I can’t get it out of my mind. I mean, I might be able to multitask, but I’d be pretty damn distracted with your **** in my ****, so really, I’m hoping you could pick that up if I lose concentration… I mean, if you’re up for it. You’re probably not up for it, hence, I could use some time alone to clear my head.” There. That was the most of it.

“Are you drunk?”

“No.”

“I don’t know.” It wasn’t an outright no. “My **** in your ****? You really liked that? Seems a bit extreme.”

“That was one of the best parts. I wish I could do that with the link open to demonstrate what that does to me.”

“I don’t know if I can ***** your **** at the same time. Is that even physically possible?”

“It was just a thought.”

“Let me get this straight. You’ve been thinking about this all day? Even at dinner when you seemed depressed?”

“Especially at dinner. It’s that damn suit. It’s driving me crazy.”

“It’s a suit. I’ve worn suits before.”

“Not for a while now. And not since I’ve been looking.” Kagesawa sighed. “It’s not the suit.”

“Make up your mind.”

“It’s the aura you have in that suit. And not knowing what you’re thinking. You could be about to tie me up with that tie and **** my **** for all I know. I know you probably won’t, but not knowing for sure is feeding my imagination.” He followed the trails of lights below, hoping to distract himself. Something other than death or sex. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s the organism, maybe I’m broken. It’s not your problem. I’ll be fine in a bit. I just need a moment.”

Kagesawa could have been spouting nonsense, and it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. In this light, with his profile barely visible as he leaned with his forearms on the handrail and looked out into the distance, he looked like someone else.

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