Page 40 of Pandion

“Oh? Should I take it back?” Satoru appeared at the door.

“No, leave it. Sit down. I want to say something.” He’d neglected to say a lot of things, but one thing stood out above others as something he probably should have said long ago. He waited until Satoru sat down.

“What is it? Did something happen?”

“No.” The most important things were always the most difficult. “I wanted to thank you.”

“Ah, Takazaki said the same just now. There’s no need. I’m glad that thing is out.”

“No, not that.” He’d heard the gist of the conversation. “Well, I’m thankful for that, too. But I mean, thanks for the kind words. They mean a lot to me. I don’t think I’ve had anyone be this supportive before.”

“That’s a bit sad, honestly. I feel like I haven’t even done that great of a job.” Satoru lay down next to Kagesawa, the both of them with their backs on the bed and feet still on the floor. The ceiling sure was interesting when you were avoiding looking at someone. “In the spirit of trying to do better, I want to make it clear that yes, they did call me in for a review. Yes, it was about something you did. They didn’t give me the details, so all I have to go by is my gut. I don’t know you all that well, yet, but I want to trust you. What I do know is that the way the EA is conducting their business disgusts me. They installed malware into my port, for crying out loud! I…” Satoru swallowed audibly, then gritted his teeth. “I don’t care what happens to my career.”

“Oh? Really?” Kagesawa couldn’t resist a chuckle.

“I’m trying to be serious here.”

“I know, I was just surprised, is all.”

“Fine, I care about it, but not as much as before. What I’m trying to say is that other things are more important to me right now, like…”

“Like?”

“Like, uh, like making this link work. Seeing where that takes us.” Satoru waffling over it was a little cute. It was almost as if he were trying to gather the courage to confess his feelings. Kagesawa chuckled before he could stop himself.

“What’s so funny?” Satoru sounded hurt, so Kagesawa tried to school himself to take the conversation more seriously.

“I’m sorry. It sounded like you were about to ask me out.” He held in the laughter but couldn’t help the smile. When for a while there was no reply, he was forced to take a look. Satoru had his eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling. His expression was grave.

“That’s not what this is, right?” Kagesawa asked.

“No,” Satoru said. “Of course not.” Something about this statement seemed off, so Kagesawa was forced to press it.

“It’s OK if that’s the case.”

“It’s not,” Satoru insisted.Not literally, anyway.

“I’m sorry I laughed. You have to admit, it sounds kinda absurd.”

“You could have just turned me down and not be an ass about it.” Satoru sat up, presumably to leave. Kagesawa instinctively grabbed him by the wrist.

“I wasn’t going to turn you down. I thought you preferred to keep this casual, but it’s all fine with me, whatever works best for you.” He’d never made an effort to define a relationship before. With all of these incorrect assumptions under his belt, he was starting to realise his usual tactic of merely waiting to see what happened might not yield the result he was after. Satoru looked annoyed.

“I don’t need you to humour me. It’s an inconvenience, right? Fine. If the link gets better, we can take advantage of that all you like. The sex is good. We can leave it at that.” He shook his hand free. The link hadn’t revealed much to begin with, but it was now completely silent. He had probably dampened it to make sure. Kagesawa re-grabbed the hand.

“What if I said I don’t care about the link?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Satoru snapped back at him.

“What if the link remains like this? What if the sex is shit? What if this is all there is? You’re young. You could do better.” Kagesawa didn’t feel like an old geezer, but a decade did make some difference.

“What the hell? What do you mean ‘if the sex is shit’? How could it be shit? You think I can’t make it good without relying on the beer and the feedback loop?” Satoru squinted like he’d sniffed a gigantic turd. Kagesawa felt the hair across his forearms rise, and he shivered.

“Can you?” A risky question for sure, but Satoru looked back at him, ready to take up the challenge.

“How dare you,” he said in a low and deliberate tone.

Kagesawa eyed him defiantly. He’d heard that tone before. It made his throat dry and his heart beat faster. The feedback loop and Satoru expressing his needs unrestrained were a delicacy, however…

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