Page 5 of Wrath

Linette’s face immediately closed off. She wasn’t angry but hiding her emotions. I believed she knew exactly where this was headed. Since my arrival, she had multiplied the excuses to try and get Wrath and me spending time with her and Varnog. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess why.

“I’m still learning a lot about the Vanguard, and especially about the Warriors,” I continued cautiously. “However, I have noticed that every time I am in the presence of Wrath, his throat swells. I know what that means.”

Linette squirmed uncomfortably on the mattress, a troubled expression fleeting over her face.

“I’m not here for that. I have no interest in that,” I said in a soft but firm voice.

“May I ask why?” Linette asked in a careful tone, her eyes studying my face. “I mean, do you not find him attractive? Does his personality rub you the wrong way? Has he—?”

“No,” I interrupted. “He’s been nothing but a gentleman, like all the other Warriors and Dragons. They’re all gorgeous, and so is he. Under different circumstances, I might have been interested but…”

“But what?” Linette insisted softly when my voice trailed off. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I took a deep, fortifying breath and clasped my hands on my lap, holding them tightly to keep them from shaking.

“Do you remember Kevin?” I asked. Linette began nodding and then her eyes widened, her pale skin growing even paler with understanding. “The reason I didn’t join the Vanguard two years ago was because we got engaged.”

Linette covered her mouth with her hand, a horrified expression on her face. Realizing how offensive her reaction might be construed, she dropped her hand and tried to school her features. I took no offense from it. I knew it wasn’t a negative response to Kevin, with whom she had also been friends, but shock on behalf of her Warrior.

“We were supposed to get married last summer,” I continued, my chest constricting as it always did whenever I reminisced about all that I had lost. “As a man, he wouldn’t have qualified for a role here on Khepri. So, we were looking for a position for both of us at one of the Coalition outposts. That day, we had finally received confirmation that there was something for us at the same outpost. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We were two weeks away from the wedding, and they were willing to wait for us to return from our honeymoon before we started working there. To celebrate, Kevin and I decided to go hiking together and camp in the forest overnight. We never even made it to the trail.”

My throat painfully tightened, and I batted my eyelashes to try and stem the tears that were pricking my eyes. Even a year later, I still couldn’t speak of it without being on the verge of falling apart.

“There was a really dumb accident on the highway, and he didn’t make it,” I said, my voice choking on the last word.

“Oh Kwan! No! Oh, sweetie,” Linette said, taking my hands in hers. “I had no idea! I would have come to support you through this.”

“I know. I know you would have,” I said, my hand tightening around hers, grateful for the comfort. “But I was in a coma. I didn’t find out until two months after the accident, when I finally woke up. The doctors didn’t think that I would be able to walk again. But I proved them wrong.”

I could see that she was struggling to find the right words to say. It was always awkward when someone broke terrible news to you. I hated when people said ‘I’m sorry’—which was a natural reflex. But what were they sorry for? They hadn’t caused the harm. I was glad she hadn’t said that, although I wouldn’t have held it against her. However, she did the one thing that really helped me a little.

Linette pulled me into her arms and gave me that sisterly hug that was its own kind of special, like a mom’s hug. Often, words were useless, if not meaningless. But this… this human contact filled with love, support, and understanding had a way of filling parts of the void that a great sorrow created deep within. It just said: ‘I can’t take away your pain, but I’m here for you.’ And sometimes, that was all we really needed.

Surprisingly, I didn’t bawl my eyes out, although a few tears did leak down my cheeks. I couldn’t quite say how long I let her hold me like this, but when I set her free, I giggled in a silly way that had her giggling, too. Way to gonotacting like grown women when embarrassed.

“I cannot tell you what to do,” Linette said gently, “but I don’t see why this should make you want to leave our team.”

I looked at her disbelievingly. “I’m not interested in a relationship right now,” I said in a tone that clearly indicated this was self-evident. “If his mating glands are telling him that we should be together, this is creating unrealistic expectations on his end. I don’t want to have to deal with that, and I also feel it’s needlessly cruel to be in his face every day knowing that I can’t be what he wants.”

Linette tilted her head to the side, giving me a strange look. “I’m assuming Wrath is aware of your situation?”

“Of course,” I said with a nod. “Wrath, Legion, and Chaos were all aware of my situation when I first reached out to ask if it was possible for me to join.”

“You’ve been here two weeks. Has Wrath made any moves on you?” Linette asked.

I stiffened. For some reason, that stung. There had been no malice in her question; just a fair question to which she already knew the answer. I shook my head.

“And he won’t either,” Linette said with a conviction that threw me for a loop. “He knows you’re not ready, and he won’t pressure you or make any moves until you are. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear right now, and I’m sorry if I sound insensitive, considering what you’ve just shared with me, but life goes on. You have suffered a terrible loss, and you will need time to heal. But there will come a time when you will be ready to embrace life again. Wrath will be waiting. For him, there can never be any other woman in the entire universe, but you.”

“What if I’m never interested in him? Isn’t it crueler to let him hope for something that may never come to be?” I asked.

Linette gave me this odd smile as if I’d said something cute. “Don’t go borrowing trouble where there isn’t any. I have never met a single Warrior or Dragon who found a soulmate that didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Don’t worry about Wrath. If your presence was painful to him, he would have transferred you to another team a long time ago. He’s waited his entire life to meet you. He will continue to wait for however long you need to be ready to live again. Anyway, it’s too late for you to bow out on us. You are our only Shield, and we don’t have time to find a new one at the last second. The guys have started loading the ship, and both our asses should already be on the way there. All will be fine. Stop worrying about things that are not a problem. If friendship is all you have to offer right now, then offer that, and it will be reciprocated.”

I didn’t doubt her words for a minute. And still, the sense of unease lingered. I couldn’t deny that a part of me felt incredibly flattered that the great Wrath would deem me to be his one and only. Countless women would give their left tit for such an honor. Under different circumstances, I would also have been all too eager.

The rational part of me understood Linette’s logic. I was too young to bury myself with the man I had loved. It had already been a year, although sometimes it only felt like yesterday. I didn’t believe there was a minimum amount of time one should wait before starting their life over. It was an individual thing. I never cared what society thought or felt were the appropriate standards. But in this instance, I felt utterly lost. I just wanted to be able to wake up one day without that choking pain in my heart, without that hollow feeling deep within that said everything will never be okay again. It would be so easy to just throw myself blindly into another relationship to help me forget. However, I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to heal. I wanted to make peace with everything I had lost.

Dragging me out of my funk, Linette pulled me to my feet. She picked up one of my bags while I grabbed the second one, and led the way out of my apartment. I didn’t know if I had brought too much or too little. Linette had packed a single bag for herself, and Varnog had done the same, even though Wrath had warned us that we would probably be gone a full month.

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