Page 92 of Fix You

Tears streamed down my cheeks at her calling him her pulse. Regardless of how old we were, we were Mam’s heart beating outside her chest. She’d said the same words to me as she held me in her arms on the drive to the hospital. Swaying on my feet, my mind swirled with foggy wisps of memories.

Pinching my eyes shut, I willed the memories to flee from my mind. I couldn’t do this now. I needed to be strong for my family…for Rafe. I wouldn’t let him down, not after everything he had done for me.

Opening my eyes, I moved with a new sense of determination. After having Mam sit down, I put on the kettle for some tea. I then asked Nolan to go back to the house to get Mam’s things for her to be ready when Callum called for her.

The groceries arrived, and Mam and I got to work cooking. I’d just put a hearty stew on the stove for the men when Nolan came back with Mam’s bag. “Don’t be alarmed if a strange car arrives. The Nerettis are coming here.”

Furrowing my brow, I asked, “Has something happened with Caterina? I mean, shouldn’t they be at the hospital with her?”

Nolan averted his gaze from mine to stare down at the floor. “They need to clean up before they can go see their sister.”

At my gasp of realization, Mam muttered, “Good riddance.” To my surprise she didn’t make the sign of the cross, which she normally did when death was mentioned.

Alessio Neretti was dead at the hands of his sons. Rafe had killed his father. Or at the very least, he’d had a hand in it.

I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. What he’d seen or done. Although every day I wished I could’ve been the one to end my father, I realized the emotional toll doing that would’ve had on me.

I certainly didn’t fault Rafe or his brothers for what they’d done. Alessio Neretti deserved to die for kidnapping and putting Caterina and her baby’s life in danger. And just as my brothers had avenged me, the Nerettis had done the same.

“Thank you for letting us know, Nolan,” Mam said, as a means to dismiss him.

He nodded before placing her bag on the table. Needing to keep my hands busy, I went back to working on some soda bread dough.

“He’s going to need you,” Mam said softly.

“I know,” I replied as I twisted my hands through the stretchy concoction.

“Are you sure you can handle that?”

With my hands still encased in dough, I spun away from the counter to pin her with an accusatory glare. “After all this time, you still think I'm a fragile doll about to crack.”

She shook her head. “I never thought that about you. Not even in the beginning.”

“Then why don’t you think I can handle being with Rafe again?”

With a knowing smile, she replied, “Because you just started getting over him, Róisín.”

“That just shows how little you really know me, Mammy. I’ll never be over Rafe Neretti.” Whirling back around, I started forcefully kneading the dough.

At the feel of her hand on her shoulder, I slung her away. “Don’t waste your energy on me today. Caterina should be your focus. Or Callum or Rafe and his brothers. My broken heart shouldn’t rank at the top.”

“You’re my daughter–mo chuisle. You’re important each and every day.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be. Being a young woman is never easy, and it’s so much harder in our world.”

“I could run away before he gets here. Go back to Dublin,” I said.

“Like you’d ever abandon Callum at a time like this,” Mam chided softly.

“Of course, I couldn’t. It was a stupid suggestion born out of desperation,” I replied.

Mam placed her hand on my cheek. “I’m not saying you couldn’t run away from the house tonight. But not so far as Dublin. You could take my place and go to the hospital to see Caterina.”

She was right. I could avoid Rafe. If I saw him at the hospital, we would be surrounded by others. Nothing could be gained or lost between us as long as we weren’t alone. It was only on our own that we forgot ourselves and our responsibilities…and in my case, my heart.

But then I thought of Rafe carrying me in the snow outsideBandia. I thought of his anger as he prowled around the bathroom after I told him about my rape. I thought of him giving me back the lost part of me.

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