Page 30 of Fix You

“It’s okay.” When he continued searching my eyes, I squeezed his hand. “I’m fine, Cal.”

A moment passed before he gave a quick jerk of his head and let go of my hand. It was such a small gesture, but one I realized meant so much more. A relieved breath wheezed out of me that somehow my act of courage had doused the fiery animosity between Callum and Rafe.

With a gentle tug of my hand, Rafe began leading me to the dance floor. Besides my brothers and bodyguards, I’d never held a man’s hand. While Rafe’s strong grip didn’t surprise me, the gentle feel of his fingers against mine did. The hardened, calloused feel of his palms told of how much he used them. Like my brothers, Rafe’s hands were used to maim and torture. It was such a juxtaposition to the tender way they held my own hand.

When he turned to face me, he loomed over me. As my gaze trailed up his broad chest to his face, I swallowed hard. With my bravado waning, I wondered what I’d gotten myself into. Since my rape, not one single male outside of my family had touched me. Raphael might’ve been Caterina’s brother, but he was still a stranger to me.

A stranger who at the moment was sliding one wide hand across my waist to rest on my lower back. As he began to pull me flush against him, I struggled to breathe. A reel of images from that horrible night ricocheted through my mind, causing my throat to close off.

No, no, no! Not now.

Not in Raphael’s arms.

Not in front of all these people.

I couldn’t bear the humiliation and degradation if I had a panic attack now. Pinching my eyes shut, I desperately triedshutting off my torturous mind. I reached out for Dr. Leighton’s coping strategies, furiously trying to ground myself in the reality of the moment and not the nightmare of the past.

You’re in Raphael’s embrace.

He isn’t Oisin.

He isn’t going to hurt you.

Inhaling a harsh breath, I forced Raphael’s smell into my nose–sandalwood mixed with mint along with a slight tinge of tobacco. Nothing like the leathery cigar smell that had permeated Oisin.

He isn’t Oisin.

Although both men were tall, Raphael’s body against mine felt as hard as steel. Nothing like the doughy flesh around Oisin’s chest and stomach.

He isn’t Oisin.

Raphael’s embrace was respectful. His hands were not sliding along my body.

He isn’t Oisin.

He wasn’t forcing himself between my legs.

He wasn’t ripping my innocence from me.

He wasn’t destroying me.

At the sound of his voice, I jumped. “Look, I get it if you were just trying to diffuse the situation.”

I blinked at him in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“We don’t have to dance if you don’t want to.”

I jerked my gaze from his chest to stare into his warm onyx-colored eyes. “Why do you think I don’t want to dance with you?”

One corner of his lips quirked up. “Because you’re about as tense as a statue.”

Heat flooded my cheeks. “I’m sorry. This is just new for me.”

“Dancing with a man outside of your clan? Or dancing with a man, period?”

“Um, well–”

He winced. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Maeve. I shouldn’t have pressed dancing with you. I let my ego get the best of me when your brother refused my invitation.”

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