“For that, I hope that we can both one day look back on this time we spent together and see it as a positive, but…” He trailed off.
They were standing in their bedroom, with the windows wide open, trying to break the late summer heat of the city without running their swamp cooler, which was mostly broken anyway. Cat had been scouting new apartments ever since she got a promotion that would allow them to upgrade to a nicer building. She hadn’t yet told Chris about her idea to move but had been excited to reveal the surprise the next time they went out for a nice dinner.
Cat waited for him to continue explaining himself, but when he remained quiet, she deflated. She sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. “I’m so confused.”
He breathed out heavily and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry, Catherine. Truly. This is not how I wanted things to go. I should’ve talked to you about how I’d been feeling a lot sooner—but I was scared. I thought it might make me seem, I don’t know, weak? I thought you would judge me.”
She gawked at him. “Chris—you know me better than that.”
He nodded. “You’re right. It was a stupid fear. It’s just a big change for me, and I’m not entirely sure what brought it on, so I was thinking maybe it would pass. I have been really happy with you the last five years… But now, I just think I want something different. I want to find someone who helps me pull away from work. The yin to my yang.”
Cat couldn’t help but laugh. “Did you read that in some dating advice book? I’m pretty sure there was similar advice in those teen magazines McKenzie and I used to flip through when we were lovesick teenagers.”
“Well… It’s good advice.” He looked down at his hands. “Don’t you think?”
She didn’t answer.
They sat in silence for a while, but the tension was too much for Cat. She stood up abruptly and went into the bathroom but left the door open. She ran the shower water and waited until it got hot. Eventually, Chris came and leaned against the doorway.
“I really didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“Nothing has to be decided right now. We could—take a break?”
She shook her head, kneeling on the side of the tub and holding her hand out under the stream. “No. I don’t want this to be up in the air, and I really don’t want to be left with any false hope. If you don’t feel like you can see a life with me anymore, then that’s that.”
“You’re done?”
“No—you’re done. That’s ultimately what you’ve been telling me the past half an hour, isn’t it?”
He ran his hand through his hair, and just as the water was warming up, he nodded. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”
“All right then. Can you stay with your brother?”
“Yeah. I’ll pack a bag. Do you want me to wait—” He pointed to the shower.
“I think it’s best if you don’t,” she said, not looking at him. “I want to be alone now.”
“Understood. I—I’ll, um, text you about coming to get the rest of my stuff at some point. Is that
okay?”
“Just come one day when I’m at work,” she said. “Leave the key on the kitchen counter.”
Coming back to herself after suffering such an unpleasant flashback, Cat wondered whether or not she’d been too harsh that night. Her heart had just been broken into a million pieces, and she wanted to inflict some pain herself, but perhaps she’d gone a little too far. Nine years later, she could appreciate whatChris was saying, even if she still thought they could’ve worked through their issues if he’d given her a chance.
There came a knock on her office door, and McKenzie walked in, looking irritated.
“How’d the meeting go?” Cat asked.
“How do you think it went?” she said, huffing as she sat in the open chair on the other side of Catherine’s desk. “How is it possible that the marketing team could so fundamentally not understand my vibe? Have they even read the book?”
“I hope so. It’s part of their job description.”
“The new guy hasn’t, that much I can say for sure.” She closed her eyes and started rubbing her temples. “He doesn’t have any idea what he’s talking about, and I had to correct him on the genre twice! How did he get this job anyway? Does his dad work here or something?”
“I have no idea. I haven’t had much correspondence with the marketing department as of late. I’m in reading mode, remember?”