Page 40 of Craved By a Highland Beast

Evan couldn’t claim it was one of his either.

“Fine,” Alaric said, though he stood regardless and began to pack for his trip, as though he couldn’t stay still. Evan could hardly blame him. Even as he sat on the edge of the mattress, shoulders and head slumped forward, his foot had not ceased its tapping against the floor.

It was more than the anxiety of being in enemy territory, so bare and unprotected; more than the thrill of a job well done, the proof of Ruthven’s treason in their hands. He shared thosethings with Alaric, the two of them trapped in the same cycle of constant worry and fleeting victory, but there was something that plagued Evan and Evan only—something his brother didn’t know.

Evan couldn’t keep it to himself anymore.

“There is somethin’ I must confess,” he told Alaric as he walked back and forth in the room, gathering his things. At his words, he came to a sudden halt, piercing gaze turning to Evan.

“What is it?” he asked, worry tinting his tone.

“I havenae been meself these days,” Evan admitted, shaking his head. “I am distracted . . . I have trouble focusin’ on what is truly important an’ I often lose me temper around Ruthven.”

“Aye,” said Alaric. “I’ve noticed. But ye’ve always been quick tae anger, brother. I wasnae expectin’ ye tae be any different now.”

Evan couldn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes, no matter how accurate Alaric’s assessment was. It was true that he was short-tempered—especially when it came to the English.

“This isnae what troubles me,” Evan said. “Nae this time.”

“What then?”

Evan drew in a deep breath, the words turning to lead on his tongue. It was rare that he couldn’t find a way to say something to Alaric, the two of them close their whole lives, but now it seemed impossible to give sound to his feelings.

Perhaps because this is naething but foolishness.

He didn’t want Alaric to be disappointed. He didn’t want him to think their mission wasn’t important enough to Evan for him to keep his wits about himself when a pretty girl was around.

But Bonnie is more than simply a bonnie lass . . . this isnae why I cannae stop thinkin’ about her.

“Well?” Alaric prompted. He abandoned the task of preparing for the trip and instead came to sit next to Evan, bumping his shoulder with his. “What is it?”

“It’s Bonnie,” Evan admitted with a sigh. “I cannae . . . I never thought it would be this much o’ an issue, but every time I see her with Ruthven . . . every time I see him lookin’ at her like that . . .”

He didn’t know how to finish his sentence. There were feelings he hadn’t even admitted to himself, feelings that he couldn’t face. Alaric, though, didn’t seem to need any more explanation to understand what Evan was trying to say. It was often like this between them, the two of them understanding each other deeply without either of them having to speak, and Evan was grateful for it.

“I think ye should follow yer heart,” Alaric said, reaching over to lay a hand on Evan’s shoulder, fingers curling comfortingly around the joint. “If this is what ye want, then ye should pursue it.”

With a groan, Evan let his head fall in his hands, fingers clutching at the strands of black hair in desperation. Next to him, Alaric chuckled softly, patting his shoulder.

“What is it now?” he asked. “Is that nae what ye wished tae hear?”

“I dinnae ken,” Evan admitted. “There is still the matter o’ the marriage the council is tryin’ tae arrange fer me.”

“Och aye,” said Alaric. “But as far as we ken, they havenae found anyone yet. An’ Bonnie would be a good bride fer ye. I’m sure they would accept her with ease.”

Evan’s eyes widened as he stared at the floor under his feet. His gaze traced the intricate details of the carpet, the reds and greens that weaved into each other to create those intricate patterns. He hadn’t considered marriage in any way other than the theoretical. He knew, of course, that one day he would have to wed, either because the council would find a woman for him or because he would, unlikely as the latter sounded.

An’ yet I have found someone, even when I didnae expect it.

Still, he hadn’t considered the possibility of marriage with Bonnie. He didn’t even know what, precisely, it was that he was feeling for her. All he knew was that every time he looked at her, the mere sight of her punched the air out of his lungs and made his heart beat erratically, off-rhythm and so fast that the whole experience was akin to fear. All he knew was that he couldn’t bear to think of her in someone else’s arms and he would do anything to avoid such a fate.

“We will speak tae the council together,” Alaric continued, seemingly unaware of Evan’s conflicting emotions. “Even if they disagree, we will make them see reason. Dinnae fash. All ye have tae dae is tell Bonnie how ye feel.”

But how can I tell her how I feel when I dinnae ken how I feel meself?

With one last pat on his shoulder, Alaric stood and resumed his task of preparing for his travels. Evan, knowing Alaric would need more than one copy of the letter, sat by the window at the small table there and began to painstakingly create more copies, one by one until he had a dozen on them in his hands and dawn was already breaking in the horizon. By then, Alaric was ready and once the ink was dry, he tucked all the letters in his bag, where they would be safe for the journey.

“What shall I tell Ruthven when he asks where ye’ve gone?” Evan asked as Alaric grabbed his cloak and his bag, adjusting it over his shoulder. “There will surely be questions.”

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