Page 125 of Aching for His Discretion

I recalled Dakota’s words from earlier.

Father... was in the same kind of business Levi was in. Like idiots, we wanted to do the same when we were teenagers, and because he was growing older, he decided to step down and hand some of the responsibilities to us while he took care of you and Mom.

“And whose fault is that?”I seethed, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “You had a choice. You and Dakota chose to put your life goals on hold because of the decisions you decided to make. We have all made sacrifices. You can’t hold mine against me just because you are upset with your own.”

He simply stared at me as I finished my sentence, and if looks could kill, I would probably be six feet under by now.

“Wow,” he began, and I was caught off guard as his following words weren’t too… compassionate.

“You really are just a selfish bitch.”He spoke almost in disbelief, and the room was completely silent aside from Grayson shuffling slightly in my hold.

Hearing footsteps at the entrance of the living room, my eyes darted over to see Levi, Dakota, and my father standing silently. Levi looked ready to jump in, but Dakota seemed to be holding him back as he gave me a look.

It was filled with encouragement. His eyes almost pleaded with me to keep going, to finally stand up to Declan.

I was sure my mother heard everything as well, as we weren’t being very discreet, and the boys probably were listening in as well, but I didn’t find myself caring much as my focus was locked on Declan.

I wanted to cry again, cry more than I already had been with his insults, beratings, degrading… all of it made me want to cry. And from the look on his face, I could tell he wanted me to.He wanted to watch me suffer.

He wanted to be the cause of my pain. He wanted to have the pleasure of once again making me sob out of fear and hurt. But I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. Not when he’d done so much to me in the past and hurt our family.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I am selfish because I am putting myself first! I went to school so I could be the best person I could be and so I could save others. Forgive me for being selfish, as I put other people’s lives before mine, sacrificing my time and energy to make sure other mothers and babies can live to see the next day. Don’t take your jealousy or hatred of your own life out on me. You can’t control what I do, where I go, or who I am anymore. I won’t let you. So call me names all you want. That just goes to show how much you’re hurting inside. I don’twantorneedto beg for approval from someone who can’t even accept who they are as a person,” I finished.

It was quiet in the room once again.

Deciding I’d had enough, I held my kitty to my chest as I went straight to my room, ignoring Declan’s gaze as he watched me angrily.

As Grayson rubbed his head against my chin, I did my best to calm my nerves. I felt like running a marathon and throwing up all at once. Closing my door behind me, I took a seat on the edge of the bed as I cuddled my kitty in my arms softly.

The door opened after a short while, and Levi stepped in and stood in front of me. He tilted my head up with his hand and wiped my slightly damp cheeks with his thumb.

“You did good, Tesoro,” was all he said, and I nodded as I leaned into his hand.

“I know,” I whispered.

“It’s okay to be upset, and it’s okay to cry,” he assured me, and I breathed in deeply as I nodded once again.

“I know.”

He pulled away after a moment, and I allowed Grayson to roam the room as Levi lay in my bed and ushered me over to lay beside him in his embrace.

Lying on his chest, he spoke as he ran his hands through my hair.

“Dakota and your father kicked him out. Dakota told him to work on himself before coming back, and to that, he didn’t say anything,” he said.

I didn’t respond as I hugged him closer to me.

I definitely dealt with a lot over the years, and I was learning more about myself and others. I was learning how to take control of my own actions and base them on what I wanted for myself. I was learning how to be content with not pleasing others.

I was learning how to handle the negativity that came with being more positive and working on myself. Making amends with Levi and Dakota allowed me to realize how capable I was of forgiving myself, forgiving others, and ultimately doing what was best for me.

For everything Declan has already taken from me… I didn’t want him to take this away from me, too.

Chapter fifty-four

Teegan

Walking into my old hospital in New York, I felt a sense of nostalgia. I sensed a large feeling of familiarity as I roamed with my visitor badge instead of my hospital one. Instead of looking up to my residents, I was now one of them, a part of their circle, getting closer to my dream of becoming an attending physician.

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