Page 118 of Aching for His Discretion

Two Years Ago

“It’s been three days since Teegan left to begin her residency in Maryland. How do you feel, Mr. Amante?” Ronan asked, crossing his legs and playing the therapist role all too well.

I sighed, playing with the scrunchie on my wrist that she had left over at my place many months ago.

“Like I should take the four-hour drive and drag her back,” I replied truthfully.

He tilted his head to the side. “But you can’t do it...”

“I won’t do it,” I muttered, a mix of frustration and resignation in my voice, and he hummed in response.

“And why is that?”

“Because I have control. I’m controlling the way I love her,” I replied, and he nodded.

“Finally catching on, I see?” he asked, and I rolled my eyes at his antics.

“And your father?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“I’m dealing with it.”

“Is that so,” he muttered knowingly, and in an instant I knew exactly what his next words would be. Part of me now regretted even coming in the first place. “At the same time, have you begun ‘dealing’ with the fact that your mother passed?” he asked.

I remained silent. I would probably have never known my mother had passed if one of Antonio’s men didn’t fill me in a month or so ago.

Hardest thing about it was not feeling anything when he’d told me it was by the hands of my own father. At some point, I barely knew who she was anymore. She was living for my father, no longer for me or herself. He had already mentally killed her; it was only a matter of time until he actually murdered her.

“I’ll have time to grieve when I murder the bastard who killed her,” I replied, annoyed that we’d steered to this topic in the first place.

“Well, here’s an idea. Since Teegan is going to be away, let’s put the focus on finding your father. That way, you have something to keep your mind occupied for the time being. While we’re at it, we’ll focus on channeling some emotions behind that steel wall of yours to process your relationship with your mother.”

“And after that?” I asked, and he shook his head.

“Kill your father first... worry about the future afterward.”

A Few Days Ago

“I think I’m finally fixed…” I muttered, and Ronan sighed as he checked his watch.

“Is that the reason you are here in my office at seven in the morning.”

“Yes,” I responded.

He shook his head as he stood up with a few folders and walked over to his file cabinet.

“You’re not fixed, Levi. Can’t fix what was never broken,” he muttered.

I nodded. “I’m going to go see her in a day or two.”

“You haven’t contacted her in quite some time. Is this decision well thought out and planned?” he asked, and I sighed.

“It should be… but I have no idea how she’ll respond to me,” I admitted, and he nodded.

“A surprise visit can only have so many outcomes,” he replied and walked back over to lean against his desk.

“You finished paying off your debt,” I muttered, and he shrugged.

“Only took a few years.”

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