Page 103 of Aching for His Discretion

“Because you broke up with me on the day of my graduation and haven’t bothered contacting me since.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you,” he muttered, and I shook my head as I walked over to him and slowly grabbed my kitty from his hold. I ignored the urge to jump into his arms as I pulled away from his intoxicating scent and walked over to my bedroom with Grayson still sound asleep. Placing him on the bed, I made my way back out into the living room to be faced with the man once again.

“What do you want, Levi?” I asked, and he furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he spoke.

“I already told you—”

“No, Levi. Why are you here? Why are you in my apartment? Why were you holding my cat? What do you want from me?” I asked, feeling my emotions beginning to spiral.

He sighed. “I don’t want anything from you, Tesoro… I just want you.”

“Are you even listening to yourself!?” I asked, feeling as though he couldn’t understand me. “Youbroke up with me, Levi. You don’t get to decide when you want me or not.”

He tilted his head slightly. “And you think what I did was a decision I wanted to make?”

“Whether it was or not, it was a decision you still made in the end.”

“Teegan,” he said, and I shook my head.

“No. I don’t want you here.”

“Teegan, I love you.”

“You don’t, Levi.”

He breathed in heavily for a few moments.

“What is it that you can’t understand...?”

“I’m sorry?” I asked, and he practically seethed.

“What is it that you won’t fucking understand, Teegan! I didn’t want to leave you,I had to.I had to get myself under control, and I couldn’t do it with you there. I had to learn how to fucking live without you because I realized that I quite literallycan’t live without you. I can’t eat, breathe, or sleep without you being on my mind. I know I’m fucked up, and I know I’ve done some fucked-up shit, but I’m trying. I’m going to fucking therapy and learning to deal with my aggression with fucking breathing exercises. Imagine the switch from killing people so I can let off some steam to fucking counting and taking deep breaths,” hesaid, growing angry, and my breath hitched as he approached me once again, now only a foot or so away.

“Do you know why I’m going through this torture? Why I had to push you away to figure out who the fuck I was without you?Because I want to change for you. I need to change for you.”

I pushed back the tears that wanted to surface as I replied after a moment or so, “Levi. I… I didn’t want you to just change for me. I wanted you to change for yourself.”

“Before I met you, Teegan, I didn’t think I needed to change anything about myself. But I need to change because I need you in my life.”

He placed a hand on the side of my face softly. “You’re the only woman for me, Teegan. Please give me a second chance.”

Gazing into his eyes, I felt my heart crumble slightly as I shook my head.

“No, Levi… I-I can’t let you put me through this mental torture again. I can’t.” Mentally, emotionally, physically… I was almost cured of the chokehold he had over me. I was almost able to free myself from these Stockholm syndrome tendencies of wanting to be close to him even though he’d hurt me.

“Then let me show you that I’ve actually changed. I don’t care if it takes twenty years for you to forgive me. I am willing to beg, wait, and plead for your forgiveness if that’s what it takes.”

“Levi…”

“Tesoro... I know I don’t deserve you... I know the things I did—they… they were unforgivable. But if you’re willing to let me, I will spend the rest of my life—” he began.

I pulled away from him as I shook my head.

“Levi... I think it’s time for you to go,” I whispered.

He stared at me silently, hurt flashing through his eyes, and after a moment, he simply nodded before turning around and heading for the door.

Once I heard it close, I remained silent. My walls felt like they were going to come crashing down all of a sudden, but I couldn’t let them.I was fine. I’d gotten over him, moved on, found my own self.But now, I simply felt numb… unable to process the last ten minutes, much less the last two years.

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