Page 90 of Aching for His Discretion

“That’s right…” he muttered, the butterflies in my stomach growing as he caressed my side with his thumb. “That’s the same reason… the girl, Beverly, is alive. I would’ve killed her but I didn’t. She’s transferring schools for the rest of her duration.”

Listening to his words sent a feeling of relief through me. Knowing Beverly was okay despite what had happened was all I needed. And in that moment, I felt as though I could trust him even though part of me knew I shouldn’t have.

“Did you miss me?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. I honestly did miss him, but my beating heart reminded me of the trauma I had endured.

“A little,” I said, and he hummed as I ran my hand over his arm. After a moment, he pulled back slightly as he checked the time on his watch.

“Stay for dinner…” I whispered, and he looked away from the watch and back over to me as if he wasn’t sure of what I’d just said. Neither was I. I didn’t know why I wanted him to stay so badly… maybe it was the fact that I was madly in love with himand couldn’t, wouldn’t be able to withstand another day without his dangerous affection.

“Stay... please?” I asked, and he nodded slowly.

I pulled out of his hold and walked to grab him a plate while he simply watched me prepare his food. Avoiding eye contact, I grabbed the two plates and glasses of water before walking him back to the living room.

He helped me, placing the plates down, and I took a seat beside him as I leaned on his shoulder, taking a bite of my tortilla.

He trailed his hand up and down my thigh as I scrolled through Netflix, trying to stop my heart from racing at the thought of the next question I wanted to ask him. Deciding now would probably be the best time to get it out and rip it off like a band-aid, I spoke.

“What do you think about me moving away to another state for residency?” I whispered and gulped softly as he looked over at me.

He remained quiet, and I prayed in that moment as the silence and look in his eyes slowly became more dangerous.

Chapter thirty-eight

Levi

“What do you think about me moving away to another state for residency?”

I simply stared at her. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t respond the way I wanted to. If I did, I’d push her away farther, fucking mess us up again.

I ran my hand down my face as she waited impatiently for my answer…

What could I respond with?

“I don’t… know what to think, Tesoro,” I muttered, and she sat up from my shoulder and gazed at me sadly.

“I haven’t made a decision yet,” she whispered, and I sighed, trying to remain calm.

“And that decision should be based on what will make you happy,” I said as I kept my eyes trained on the wall behind her television.What will make her happy…I obviously did a shit job of that recently, and I had no one but myself to blame.

“You’re upset…” she whispered, inching closer to me, and I closed my eyes as her lavender scent surrounded me.

I’m upset because I want to fucking lock you away and keep you all to myself—

“I’m not upset, Tesoro,” I replied, and I leaned back slightly as she moved to straddle my legs, forcing me to finally look into her beautiful eyes as she sat on me. She played with my shirt’s buttons as I gazed at her.

“It wouldn’t be for a short time… It’s for four years,” she muttered.

I ran my hands up and down her clothed thighs. This was my punishment for the trauma I’d made her endure… for the fucked-up way my mind operated.Four fucking years.We’d be separated for only four years, and yet these last few months felt like an eternity. I don’t know if I’d be able to last that long without her. But I’d lost the place to argue or beg her to stay. At least, I felt as though I’d lost it.

“I know,” I replied, and she simply wrapped her arms around my neck as she pulled me close. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around her torso and pulled her in even closer.Tesoro.I need to change for you. I will change for you, and to do that, I have to let you go… for now.

Two Months Ago

Sitting in the car, I looked over at the building as Nico shifted the gear into park.Ronan Gardner Psychiatry. I’d never gone to therapy before, and I would never have thought I’d needed it.

The guys were used to my unpredictable behavior, and usually it was useful when I was dealing with the occasional traitor in my business… But Tesoro mio, my sweet Tesoro. I wouldn’t be able to live without her… and if I didn’t change those aspects about myself that pushed her away, I would never be able to get her back.

---