Page 80 of A Wolf in the Garden

“It will get better. We’re checking in on things today, making sure you’re safe, we’re safe, and then we can go back to our day to day life knowing no one is going to be able to do anything untoward to you.”

I nod. That is what I want. The past few weeks, I let myself forget all about the fae trouble, and let myself get caught up in all the fun parts of our relationship — the reminiscing, the loved-up sex, skinny dipping in the ocean, and evening walks through the local nature reserves. It’s been wonderful, but…

“What about all the other people out there?” I ask. “All the other changelings like me?”

Van frowns, his eyes searching my face for a moment. “You know what they say, that you have to put your own oxygen mask on first. I’m sorry if that sounds cruel, but neither of us are in a position to worry about anyone else right now. It’s not our responsibility to worry about.”

“That doesn’t sit right with me.”

“I know. It’s just something you’re probably going to have to accept.”

* * *

It’s all dense native forest here on the eastern side of the island, beautiful and ancient and, for the most part, untouched. As we drive up the long, winding driveway that leads to Nerilina’s house, we pass ancientkauritrees with huge, thick trunks, their branches covered in epiphytes and vines as they stretch up to the sky. The scenery reminds me of the forests back home in Northland, and I’m hit with a sudden longing for a different place and time, back when Van and I were both so young and optimistic, and still lived with the assumption that the universe would never hurt us.

Van takes a hand off the steering wheel to pat my knee reassuringly. “You okay?”

I shake my head. “I’m scared,” I admit, as the trees thin out and we reach the clearing where Nerilina’s house sits. I’ve been doing my best to stay calm all day, but it’s been hard. In the end, I barely had anything to eat for dinner, Van eating my portion of chips as well as his, the anxiety churning in my gut making my appetite disappear completely. And it’s been a fucking long day — it feels like what happened this morning actually occurred sometime last week.

Van’s huge hand covers mine. “It’s going to be okay.”

When we pull up, Nerilina is waiting for us outside her house. “How are you?” she asks, arms open, the scent of rosemary and thyme clinging to her as she plants a kiss on my cheek.

“Stressed.”

She clucks her tongue. “Well that’s not what we want, is it? Come now, we’ll drink some calming tea, and then we’ll take another look at your magic. It will be fine, I promise.”

* * *

Nerilina sets her teacup down with an air of finality. “We’re going to go sit outside, on the back lawn, to practise our magic today.”

“Okay.”

“Do you know why?” she asks.

I shake my head. “I know nothing.”

That earns me a roll of her eyes. “You know a lot more than you’re giving yourself credit for, given what you did this morning.” She gathers up our empty teacups, setting them on her kitchen countertop, continuing to speak as she moves between the surprisingly modern kitchen and dining area, tidying up. “There are many different types of fae — subspecies, you could say, similar to how wolves are divided into two very different categories. I’m no expert, but I think it’s fairly reasonable to assume that your fae ancestor was of the forest or garden variety.”

“So outdoors is better for practising magic?”

“For you, yes. It doesn’t mean you can’t practise it right here, sitting at my kitchen table, but my goal today isn’t to make things harder for you. I want to see what happens when you have all the correct variables in place that make accessing your magic easy. Besides, the prior incidents of your magic manifesting all have two things in common: being outside in nature, andhim.”

I look at Van, and he shrugs. “Makes sense. She’s always said your magic is intertwined with mine.”

“It’s because you two are soulmates. I felt it the first time I met you two together. It’s a very rare thing, what you two have. You should treasure it.”

“We do,” Van and I say in unison, making Nerilina’s lips turn up in a close-mouthed smile.

“Cute.Come on. Out with you two, down the hall and to the right, and you’ll find the back steps. I’ll be there shortly.”

I follow Van out and sit down cross-legged on the lawn, patting the space beside me. He sits, moving gracefully for a man of his size, and takes the hand I offer him. Nerilina joins us a moment later, sitting opposite us both, reaching for our free hands so that we form a circle.

I close my eyes automatically. “Alright,” she says after a moment. “I want you to breathe deep, into your diaphragm, into your belly. Hold it there for a moment, that’s right. Now release that breath slowly in five, four, three, two, one. And we will repeat.”

I don’t know how long we continue the breathing exercises for — long enough that all of my focus is now on my own breath, even the sound of her voice just a soothing presence in the background — but I feel the shift in the air, the shift in mymind, when we move into the core part of the session. “Ellie, I need you to access your magic, just as you did this morning. And remember, you control the magic. It does not control you.”

It’s even easier, now, to reach for that magic and pull it out. I can’t see it per se, but I can feel it, feel the soft green glow, the same colour as theinanga pounamuI wear around my neck, not that harsh, almost fluorescent glow of the fae —

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