Page 57 of A Wolf in the Garden

“Having sex with a werewolf?”

“Yeah, but I don’t.”

“That’s good.”

“I mean, itisyou, right? When you talk about your wolf as if he’s separate, it makes me wonder…” I trail off as his eyebrows rise. “This is probably something I should have clarified well before taking the D.”

His laugh is loud, his whole body shaking with mirth. “It’s me,” he wheezes, and I mock punch his chest for laughing at me. “Taking the D, fuck, Ellie…” His laughter dies down, and his huge hand finds my chin once more, coaxing my face upwards to look at him, the claw of his thumb grazing my lip. “Baby, you took my cock so well. Are you sore?”

I shift experimentally. “Just a little.” It’s the good kind of sore, the kind when you know you’ve been well fucked. I shift again, feeling more semen leaking from me, and screw up my nose. These blankets are going to be a pain to wash. Van’s mouth stretches in that wide, toothy wolf grin, no doubt deducing my thoughts.

“It’s such an alpha male thing,” he admits, “but fuck, I love filling you so that you spend all day leaking my cum.”

“Marking your territory?”

“At least I’m not intothat, Ellie. What would you do, if I said my kink was golden showers?”

“No. N. O. No thank you.”

His laugh rumbles in his chest. “That’s the dealbreaker?”

I tip my head back to grin up at him. “That’s the dealbreaker. Giant werewolf dick? Totally fine. Pissing on me… no thanks, you can quite literally piss off with that. Speaking of dicks —”

“— what a fantastic segue —”

“— is yours in its sheath right now?”

“Yes. It’s either erect, or it’s tucked away, in this form.”

I consider asking him to see it, but to be honest, even with the moonlight, I’m not going to see much against his black fur unless I get up and find my torch. Instead I lean into him, sighing contentedly, looking up at the full moon. “It’s beautiful out here,” I say after a while. The moonlight shines across the water, the trees and flax rustling in the wind, but even with the sound of the waves, there’s a stillness that comes with staring at the starlight above, an understanding that we are so very small in the grand scheme of things.

“You’re beautiful. I don’t think I say it enough, just how stunning I think you are.”

I’ve never been good at accepting compliments, even though I crave them. “My tits are small, and my ass is big. I’m a pear.”

“You are delicious; sweet like a fruit, that’s for sure. I love your tits, I love your ass. I love everything about you.”

“I love you too.”

His head rests atop mine. “I once thought I saw you in the distance, five years ago, in San Fran. Fuck, it was embarrassing, I chased this poor woman down in the middle of a busy street; I think she thought I was going to attack her. When I realised it wasn’t you… it-it broke me. I went on the worst bender I’ve ever been on, just black out drunk for days on end. And it’s idiotic, because I never scented you, and if ithadbeen you, those no-contact orders would have kicked into action, but I wasn’t thinking at the time.”

My heart aches at his words. “I’ve done the same. I mean, notchasing, but I saw a guy once at a bar, and from behind I thought it was you. It was crazy; it’d been three years at that point, but when he turned around… the heartbreak felt like I was back at day one.”

Van whines, sounding just like a sad puppy, and it sends me over the edge, a sob escaping my trembling lips. I curl into him, bring my face in his fur. “Damn it,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood. I just… I missed you so fucking much. There was always a hole. A big you-shaped hole. I mean, not a werewolf shaped one,thatwas a shock,” I laugh weakly. “You know what I mean.”

He whines again. “I know what you mean.” He nuzzles at my neck, his thick arms hugging me tight, claws digging into the woollen fabric of the old blankets. “This is what I hate most about being a werewolf,” he says, as quietly as his body allows in this form, which isn’t that quiet at all. “I want to be a man for you, now. I want to hold you, without worrying about claws hurting your beautiful skin. I want to take you home and run you a bath and make love to you, and I can’t because I’m stuck like this for another three hours, at least.”

I shake my head, pushing an arm out of the blanket to run over his chest. His fur may be soft, but underneath there’s nothing but a solid wall of muscle, absolute raw power. “You’re perfect. When I say I love you, I mean all of it. Every facet of you.”

“Even the shitty alpha bullshit, and the fucking wolf shifter rules that kept us apart for so long, and the fact that I’m still a mess about Jenny? You know I had the pool filled in, at my old house. Completely devalued the property, because I get so triggered by the idea of any other child….” He breaks off in another sad whine.

“Oh Van.” He’s so big that my arms can’t actually fitaroundhim in a hug, but I rub his huge shoulders. “I hate going to public pools, and Ihateswimming at beaches when there’s kids around because I can’t enjoy it. I’m just constantly watching the children and panicking that the parents aren’t looking, because of what happened. That’s why I like going in the middle of the day when it’s empty, except now I’m going to be freaked out that fae are stalking me while I’m in the water. So I get it. We can be a mess together. You are perfect forme,Evander. Give me all the mess, it only makes me love you more.”

“I know I put on a brave face for you… but I was so fucking scared when you came to my house, after the fae got to you. And I keep thinking about what might have happened.”

“But we fixed it, right? Nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen. You kept me safe, when no one else could have.”

He’s silent for a long time, and the more I stare out into the dark, the less I see the beauty of this place. Instead I fear the unknown, the monsters that might be lurking in the shadows.

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