Page 48 of A Wolf in the Garden

“Thanks.” I bite into a piece of the slice. “Mm, this is good. Not as good as your mom’s version, but it’s up there.”

“I’ll tell her you said that; she’ll be so happy.”

“Does she know about me, then?”

“She knows you’re back, but I haven’t spoken to her since last week. I’ve beenpreoccupied,” she adds, wiggling her brows suggestively, “every time she happens to call.”

“Ah. What did she say when you told her I was back?”

Ellie sucks in her lips, before releasing them with apop. “Well…”

I laugh. “Oh god, that bad, was it?”

“Her exact words were,‘That bloody bastard broke your heart, bubs, so you better not be spreading your legs for him again. I don’t care how rich or good looking that man is, it’s not worth it.’”

“Shit. She hates me.”

“She doesn’thateyou,” Ellie laughs, patting my leg. “She’s just protective of me.”

“Mm. I don’t feel optimistic about my chances of getting in her good books any time soon.”

“You’ll get there. Eventually.” After a moment’s pause, she adds, “You were going to tell me about shifters.”

“I was.” I take another bite of my food, mulling over where to start. “So I said that boy was a wolf shifter. He knew I was an alpha because I smell like one. Being an alpha is biological in the sense that you’re either born one, or you’re not. It’s not dependent on sex, or gender, or sexual orientation; there’s plenty of female, non-binary, and trans alphas out there. There seems to be this prevalent misunderstanding among humans that it’s only cisgender males that are alphas, and I don’t know why.”

“So it’s an inherited thing? Because your dad is an alpha, too, right?”

“Yes, he’s an alpha. And no, it’s not actually genetic, from what they can tell. What I mean is that it isn’t passed down through direct lines. Wearedifferent, in terms of scent and strength and abilities, but you don’t inherit it from your parents. The best explanation that anyone has is that it’s influenced by the magic that exists in all wolves. Which is why — according to my mother — the only time my father has ever cried prior to Jenny’s death, was the day I was born.”

“Because he was happy?”

“Because he was devastated.”

Ellie’s mouth drops open, her brows creased in a frown. “I’m sorry,what?”

“He was devastated, because it’s unheard of for alphas to have children that are also alphas. So he and I are considered extremely unlucky.” I can see she still hasn’t figured out why this would be the case, instead stuck on the knowledge that my father was upset by my birth. “If you’re an alpha, you only have two options in your future. You grow up, and you fight the current alpha, you win, and take over their pack — your pack, the one you grew up in — or, you grow up, fight the current alpha, you lose, and you leave your pack for good. I suppose there’s a third option; fight your alpha, win, but have no support from the wider pack, so lose anyway, and leave everything behind. Ten points for guessing which category I fall into.”

“Youhadto fight your dad? I know you did actually fight him, but you make it sound like it was inevitable.”

“Because it was. Believe me, I tried. Foryears. We both tried, I think, despite our biology working against us. Do you remember what my dad and I were like together, when I was a kid? Pre-puberty? You were younger, so you probably don’t.”

“No, I do. I remember, he used to call you his buddy, and you two seemed really close. And then the year you turned thirteen, I was shocked.”

“Because it seemed like dad and I hated each other.”

“Yeah. And no one would tell me why. Which makes sense now.”

“Mm. I loved my dad. I still…” I take a deep breath, swallowing back the bile that rises in my throat. “I still love him, despite everything. But after my first shift, when puberty really hit, everything changed. We couldn’t get along. Everything I did antagonised him, and Iwantedto antagonise him, even if I hated myself for doing it. You know, that’s why I chose viticulture in the first place. What seventeen year old chooses winemaking as a career? I wanted something that would really piss him off; here’s his son, with all the potential and expectations, and he’s doing a fucking obscure degree about vineyards rather than pursuing an eventual MBA from Harvard.Thatwas my decision making at seventeen — literally, how do I upset my father at every turn? It’s not a good way to live, but it’s a compulsion, when you’re an alpha. You’re constantly nipping at the heels of the leadership, and eventually, they’re going to bite back. And when they do, you better be ready for it.”

“That’s… that’s awful. There’s nothing you can do about it? Surely there must be a way, some magic or…”

“There’s nothing, Ellie. It’s just a cruel part of shifter life. You see, if he wasn’t my father, it wouldn’t be so bad. If he were just some other wolf, it wouldn’t tear me in two, the way this does.”

Ellie is quiet for a long time, staring out at the ocean.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just seeing things in a new light,” she replies. “And worrying about it all.”

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