Page 13 of Dark Panther's Desperate Beauty

I take her back into my arms and hold her. “Okay, okay.”

We kiss again and I let the subject drop as we get excited about other things.

But I leave the hotel early the next morning and head out for the pawn shop. I know which one it is because she mentioned it much earlier when she talked about getting out of the band and her history with them.

Hours later, I get back to the hotel. It’s getting close to the time when she’d be heading to work, but I’m too excited to wait until she’s off for the night.

“Hey, Rylee, come one out, I have a bit of a surprise for you.” I knock on the door and wait.

She opens it with a big smile. “Are you the surprise? I thought you were heading to work today.”

“Well, I’m due in tomorrow, but no, I’m not the surprise. Come on.”

I feel like a kid showing his parents something so wonderful. I grab her hand and hurry her over to the back of my truck, which is covered by a tarp. I grin like a fool as I make a big flourish and whisk the tarp back from the band equipment I bought back from the pawn shop that morning.

“Ta da!”

Rylee stands there and a world of emotions passes over her face. I see shock, hope, anger, sadness, and then, it settles on anger again. “What did you do?”

“I got your equipment back. The guy was pretty reasonable.”

“I ...uh, I can’t have you doing this. I can’t, no, I don’t want it. Erik! I said I didn’t need it!”

“Well, maybe some of this can be offered to the band at the bar to be your backup, but you can do some professional recording. We can find a studio for you and ...”

“No, Erik, no! Why won’t you listen to me? Last night was fun, that’s all it was. It was just good fun. I stood in for Jackie because her kid was sick, but I’m not going to be up on stage every night.”

I don’t understand what’s going on. I’m confused that she would get hung up on the bar. “Honey, we can get you venues anywhere. I absolutely believe that. I’ll find you some places to sing.”

“Erik, you’re not listening to me.”

“Well, what am I listening to?” I’m beginning to feel my own anger now. “Last night I listened to an amazing undiscovered talent. I think a lot of other people would like to listen to her too.”

“But I don’t want to do it, Erik. That’s it. I don’t want to be in that world again. Now, just fucking drop it!”

I stand there, hurt in a way I can’t define. “Okay, I’ll leave it alone.” I pull the tarp back over the equipment. “Do you want me to drive you over to work now?”

“No, I’ll walk over.” She starts off. She doesn’t look back. I keep expecting it but she doesn’t.

I stand there, watching her go, and I feel like the most useless fool around. What the hell just happened? Since when does supporting your girlfriend’s dreams equal being insensitive and thoughtless?

I climb in my truck, but I just sit and watch Rylee in my rearview mirror as she runs across the street to the bar.

“Fuck!” I pound the steering wheel.

How the fuck did this get so messed up?

I start the truck up and head out towards home and work. I know when I get there, I’m going to store this stuff in the garage because damn it, I’m not going to let her just walk out on her dreams just because she doesn’t think she’s good enough to make it.

I figure there will be a time when she’s more receptive to the idea, when she’ll understand that she really is that talented and capable.

And deserving.

Someday, I have no doubt, she’ll see what I see.

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