Page 40 of Locke

“This is a bad idea, Dad. You can’t send him there.”

“The man is strong, tough. He can handle this. I know he can. If I didn’t think he could, I wouldn’t send him, Kiki. In his heart, in his head, he knows he has to protect you. That’s what’s gonna drive him. You.”

“I don’t want it that way! I don’t want that on my shoulders! What if something happens to him again, Dad? I can’t live with myself knowing it was my fault. Don’t you get that?” I scream at him. He nods his head and rests his hand on my shoulder.

“I get it, sweetheart, but what do you think he’d do to himself if he lost you?” I close my eyes, not wanting to think about that. I don’t want to know what he’d do to himself because it hurts. “Locke was in a very dark place for years until you came along. Let the man do his job. Let him protect you the only way he knows how.”

“I’m scared,” I whisper. My dad pulls me into a hug and holds onto me tightly.

“Everything is gonna be fine. I promise.”

Chapter 20

Locke

We pull over at the gas station to gas up our bikes. My skin itches and crawls with the need for more. You see, I’ve kept a secret for the past couple of months. A secret that led Genie straight to her death. I’m not proud of the shit I’ve been doing. I’m not even a little happy about it, but I can’t stop. The pain is too much. And I don’t just mean the pain from being shot and stabbed. The pain from knowing I could take Kiki down the same goddamn path I did Genie wears heavily on me.

I look around and make sure none of the guys see me as I walk into the gas station bathroom and pull out the powder and the pill bottle. Shaking a few into my hand, I swallow them down quickly before I snort a line. I close my eyes and lean against the wall, waiting for it all to kick in. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know it’s fucked up, and yet here I am.

I keep my eyes closed as the coke starts to work. Taking a deep breath, I know I have to go back out there and ride the rest of the way home, too. I’m a fucked up mess, and I can’t let Kiki see that. I don’t want her to. But what if she does? I can’t stop it. I can’t stop her. She’ll be introduced to my new world. The world I live in now. The ache in my chest is no longer there as I walk out of the bathroom and back to my bike.

“You okay?” Pitch asks.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t look it,” he says as he stares me down.

“Neither do you. What the fuck is this?” I snap at him. He shakes his head as he raises his hand to motion to my face.

“You left a little behind, brother.” I reach up and wipe my nose before turning away from him. Just another fuck up. That’s all I’m going to be. I don’t know why I thought I could be more for Kiki. I can’t. I wish I could. I wish I could be better, love her, and take care of her the way she deserves, but here I am. Fucking up again.

“You gotta fuckin’ be kiddin’ me? You gonna ride like that?” Pitch asks. I turn back around and look at him.

“Yeah, motherfucker I am. You got a problem, Hodge?” I ask him, raising my arms out to the side. This isn’t me. I would never act this way toward my brothers, but this is my reality. The reality I tried so hard for the last few months to keep hidden. Fuck! What am I doing?

“I think you got a problem, Locke.”

“Oh, you do? You my dad now?” I ask him in a challenging tone. Pitch huffs out a laugh before shaking his head.

“You gonna fuck it all up, aren’t you, Locke? You’re gonna fuckin’ ruin everything you have right now.”

“What am I fuckin’ up, Pitch? Please tell me.”

“You know what. You’re just tryin’ to sabotage what you have with Kiki. You’re gonna break that girl, and you know it. Then I’m gonna beat your fuckin’ ass for doin’ it. Just remember that,” he says, pointing his finger at me.

“You wanna fight, Pitch? That what this is?”

“No. I want your head on straight, motherfucker. I want you to think about what you’re doin’ and who the fuck you’re doin’ it to!”

“She’s fine, Pitch. She doesn’t even know,” I tell him.

“You think she’s stupid? You think she isn’t gonna figure this shit out on her own? Kiki is smarter than you’re givin’ her credit for, Locke.”

“Then what do you want me to do? Huh? Call it off with her?” Pitch shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. I know this song and dance. I lived it before, and I swore I was never going back to it, and yet here I am.

“I didn’t say that.” He calms his tone. “But she doesn’t deserve this shit, and you know it.”

“I’m tryin’ Pitch! I’m fuckin’ tryin’!” I roar this time.

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