Page 84 of Penalty Shots

"That's how I've always felt," I say, relaxing into the seat. We both sip on our beers and look around the lush garden.

"I can tell you're a family man, Keelan. Any guy who is willing to create the space for people to want to come together—they value what's important in this life. Money. Fame. Power… it onlygets you so far. At the end of the day, when you're on your deathbed, it's the people surrounding you. The love pouring out of them that will make this life worth it."

I find myself staring at him. A picture of my own father, on his deathbed, pleading with me to take care of my sister, plays out in my mind.

I nod quietly.

Beto sighs. "Rina and her mother, they… they haven't had it easy in that department."

"In what department?"

"Well… family. Rina always wanted a brother or a sister. My wife has a condition. She can't carry a child to term. Rina was our gift."

He shakes his head. "Never thought my daughter would have to put up with the same issue. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

I'm not tracking. "Beto… what issue?"

"You don't know?" He cocks his head at me. "Rina and Elena both suffer from lupus. It's an autoimmune disease that attacks the healthy cells in their bodies. When they get pregnant, the body sees the baby's cells as an intruder, and it fights it. Though we suspected Rina had it early in life, we didn’t have her tested. She was so young. We wanted her to live her life with hope.” He clasped his hands tightly. “It wasn’t until recently that a blood test confirmed it. Actually, it was the reason for her coming here."

He tears up. "I've had to console my wife through more losses than I care to admit. And they never got easier. Each one hurt her. It hurt me. And now, Rina—"

I set the beer down on the grass and reach for his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“There's nothing like watching the woman you love sob until she can't breathe, Keelan. It's a feeling of helplessness like no other. Wanting to make her feel better, but knowing there'snothing you can do. Nothing you can say. All you can do is just be there."

"That sounds like hell," I croak.

He nods his agreement. "It's a pain I don't wish on anyone."

He's quiet for a while.

"But how do you know that Rina can't carry a child? What if she's not like her mom?"

He watches me carefully before he says the next words. "We know because it's already happened."

I straighten. "What's already happened, Beto?"

He sighs. "Rina doesn't talk about it, but when she was in college, she came home pregnant after her freshman year. She was scared, sure. But we would do anything to help her. Anything," he says.

I'm still processing the words he's saying when he adds, "What I couldn't help her with was the pain of losing that child after she had already decided she was ready. She wanted to be a mother. I had walked through it so many times with Elena, but then to have to watch my own daughter go through it… it broke me."

I don't have words. I can't find words that would even make what he's saying to me make any sense. I have a thousand questions.

When was this? How old was she? Who was the father?

I speak none of these words out loud because the screen door on the back porch slams shut, and Rina is standing there. She’s dressed in a pair of shorts and an off-the-shoulder white shirt.

She waves at us to come inside and we signal we'll be right there. We grab our beers and start walking back to the house.

"Keelan, please don't tell her I said anything. Her story isn't mine to share. I just want you to know before anything goes too far. If having a family is something you desire one day… this is the reality."

I don't say anything. I can't say anything. Because if I do, I risk saying the absolute dumbest thing in the world to a man who has suffered so much for the women he loves.

And it's not my place.

"Thank you," I say as we approach the back door.

"You're welcome. And if anyone asks—we were just checking on the pig, right?" Beto asks.

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