Page 69 of Penalty Shots

But she's already gone.

Chapter 19

Rina

Idon't want to see his face.

I don't want to play nice and make things easy on him.

I don't want anything to do with Redmond Bonner or his cheating, lying, stupid ass.

The car pulls up to Izzy's house and Keelan and I both get out without saying a word.

Redmond knew he couldn't have kids. He knew he was infertile. And he still let me marry him, knowing that was what I wanted more than anything.

He never cared. Somebody that would do something like that doesn't care.

We walk up to the door, and Keelan pulls out the key his sister gave him.

When we open the door, we see Ryker's mom walking with Stella outside near the pool house. We both pass through the house in silence as we meet her out back.

"Hi, Ruth," Keelan says as we step out onto the back patio.

Ruth turns to look at us and smiles, bringing a finger up to her lips.

I walk up to her and reach out to take the baby from her.

"She was up playing all evening," she whispers as she gently hands over Stella. "I know most babies hate tummy time, but this one. I swear she wishes she could crawl already."

"Eager beaver," I whisper into the baby's hair, catching a whiff of that intoxicating scent. "Why can't you just stay little?"

Ruth reaches for the baby's head and gently strokes her hair. "She's the perfect mix of Ryker and Izzy. Babies are a beautiful thing, aren't they?"

I know Ruth hasn't been privy to any of our earlier conversation and can't possibly know just how vulnerable I feel right now. But I don't miss the way Keelan tries to steer the topic to something other than babies.

"Speaking of Ryker, did you see the pictures of the house that got swallowed by the ocean?" He pulls out his phone and flips through pics of his sister and best friend's honeymoon.

"Wow, crazy what Mother Nature is capable of doing," Ruth says in awe.

As they look through pictures, I walk with my goddaughter back to her nursery and settle into the rocking chair in the darkened room.

I rock us, and tears pour down my face and onto my blouse. This nursery seems to be the place where I come face to face with my heart’s deepest desire and most terrifying fear.

That I want to be a mom—and I'm afraid it will never happen.

"Why does life's timing always have to be so off?" I say to nobody in particular. "Everything at the wrong time."

The doorway darkens, and Keelan is standing there at the entrance of the nursery with his hands in his pocket, watching us.

"I didn't know it was Redmond I heard that night," he says. I put two and two together when he brought up that he was at our college. It never even occurred to me."

"I know," I whisper. "I believe you." I'm still rocking Stella, now trying my best to stop the tears. I don't cry. That's not what I do.

But somehow, this is that one thing that just… breaks me.

Keelan leans against the doorframe and stares at the ground in front of him.

"I want to help you," he says. "You don't need him for anything. I'll cover whatever expenses you have."

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