Page 165 of Bratva Butcher

Hope blossomed in my heart.What if—

No!my mind screamed at me.It’s just another one of his tricks. Don’t fall for it.

“Get up, Dimitri,” I said coldly.

His face scrunched up in distress. “Autumn, I—”

“I don’t want to hear it!” I screamed. If I did, I was likely to forgive him, and then when it happened all over again, it would be all my fault.

I spun on my heels and started marching towards the exit.Fuck this.Fuck all my belongings in my carry-on suitcase. I could buy more shit. Fuck my flight. There were plenty of others I could catch—ones hopefully out of Dimitri’s reach. Fuck-

“Please!”Dimitri cried out with desperation.

I stopped, my feet rooting in place, refusing to take another step.

Okay, now IknowI’m in an alternate reality.

“Please” was not a word in Dimitri’s vocabulary.

Neither is sorry, and yet he said that, too. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybehe’sdifferent.

I highly fucking doubted it. It was just what he did. He’d push me away, reel me back in just to push me away again. Except each time, it got worse and worse. Hurt that little bit more. I wasn’t going to fall for it again—

“I said goodbye.”

I frowned.Goodbye?Curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn’t help but turn around and ask, “Goodbye to who?”

He swallowed. “Yekaterina.”

Suddenly, I was even more confused. From what I understood, his wife died over ten years ago. What did he mean when he said he onlyjustsaid goodbye?

The only way to find out was to ask.

I licked my dry lips. “I don’t understand.”

He took a deep breath in, almost as if he was collecting himself. His thoughts. “When Yekaterina died, a part of me died with her. I couldn’t accept the loss, and because of that, I refused to let her go. I stood over her grave and promised her I would never forget her. Never let someone else into my heart. That it would always belong to her, even in death. For ten years,I held onto that promise, pushing away anyone who even tried to get close to me. Never even entertaining the idea of starting something with another woman. I felt as though if I let someone in, I was betraying her and the promise I made. It was easy.Beyondeasy to keep that promise. For over a decade, I was never once tempted.” His eyes bore into mine. “Until I met you.”

My breath caught in my throat. Something in his words gave me pause. “Wait a second. Are you saying that since your wife died, you’ve never-I mean, you haven’t once—”

“You are thefirstandonlywoman I have been with in the last ten years.”

The significance of that statement made my heart skip a beat. I felt…oddly special. That I, Autumn DeValos, a nobody, had tempted such a strong and powerful man.

“When we first met, you were such a pain in my ass, I had no fears about something happening between us.”You and me both, pal.“But as time went on, things changed. When feelings started to emerge, I-I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t felt emotions like that—such a strong, visceral need for another person—in so long that when it happened, I panicked. I pushed them down. I ignored them. I lashed out at everyone around me. I refused to acknowledge them in the hopes they would just disappear. But it was too late.”

It suddenly all madeso muchsense. Things started to click in my head as he spoke. Why he acted the way he did. Why he always held himself back. Why when things got too real between us, he seemed to just shut down right before my eyes. Push me away.

It was because he thought hehadto. He not only felt guilty about his feelings towards me, but he also felt confused, angry and lost.

That would make anyone in their right mind lash out and say things they might later on regret.

Or am I just making excuses for him in a desperate attempt to reconcile?

I honestly didn’t know anymore.

Dimitri got up and moved closer, only to get right back on his knees at my feet. I looked down at him as he clasped my hands in his, my emotions pulling me in a thousand different directions.

“I cannot begin to apologise for my actions that day,” he said solemnly. “I was struggling with what was happening between us, but that in no way excuses my behaviour. I know that. Believe me when I say that I’ve been hating myself every second of every day since it happened. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I almost drank myself to death because I couldn’t stand what I did to you. The pain I caused you.”

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