Page 70 of Bratva Knight

I scoffed. “Right. She was only yourwifeand abandoned a newborn baby instead. Completely different.”

“It is,” Dad growled. “Nikolai left you lying in a hospital bed, writhing in pain while you gave birth to the life inside you that was no longer living. How—”

A loud, audible gasp hit the air. I stiffened. Dad’s eyes flicked up and his face turned deathly white.

Oh, no. No, no, no.I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t. I knew what I would find if I did, and I wasn’t ready for it. Fuck. How could I have been so stupid to have this conversation there and then? Of all places? I wanted to punch myself.

“Tatiana?” My best friend’s voice was soft, layered with confusion and hurt.

Dad looked at me, eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry, Tatiana. I’m—”

“It’s not your fault,” I whispered softly. “Just…go.” There was no one to blame but myself. I had years to talk about it with Illayana and I didn’t. I avoided it because I was too much of a chickenshit to deal with it. My past was catching up with me now, and I couldn’t run from it. I couldn’t hide. I had to face it head on.

Chapter Twenty

Tatiana Andreeva

Twoyearsago

“Push, Tatiana. You have to push.”

The pain was excruciating. Not only the physical pain, but the pain to my heart, my soul.

I didn’t want to do this. I just wanted to crawl into a dark, never-ending hole and die. My son was gone. There was no bringing him back. What was the point? What was the point of any of it?

Another wave of pain hit me head on and I cried out, squeezing my eyes shut. God, it hurt. They offered me an epidural to numb the pain but I didn’t want it. Despite how much it hurt, I wanted to feel every single second of it. It was the least I could do to bring him into this world.

I had one job.One job. Protect and nurture the life growing inside me…and I failed. I’d failed him.

I still didn’t understand what was going on. I was too smothered in grief to really comprehend what the doctor had said. All I knew was that they wanted to induce labour so I could give birth. That I was too far along and had to get him out. It was heartbreaking to hear. Another hit to my already shattered soul.

Wave after wave of agonising pain gripped me hard, clutching me in its claws and refusing to let go. I cried out, tears falling down my cheeks.

“Try him again,” I begged the nurse at my side, gripping the railing on the bed as hard as I could.

A look of pity crossed her face. “I’ve called him over two dozen times, darling. His phone is still off.”

“Please,” I sobbed. “Please, try again. Try again. I need him. He has to be here. I need him. I need—ahhhh.” Another bout of pain hit me, the overwhelming urge to push bearing down on me. I twisted and turned, trying to find a way to get away from the pain, but nothing worked. Nothing worked.

“Okay, Tatiana. When the pain hits again, I need you to push, okay?” Dr Spendel’s voice was calm but firm. His hands were between my legs, his brows lowered in concern as he focused all of his attention on what was going on.

I shook my head. “I can’t.” I couldn’t do this without Nikolai. I’d never pictured myself as the type who needed a man, but god, I needed him. I needed him to hold my hand. To wrap me up in his arms and tell me it was all going to be okay, even though I knew it never would be.

Where was he? Why wasn’t he here? I thought he loved me, that he’d always be there for me. I thought—

I screamed as more pain took over my body. “Call him again!”

The nurse looked at Dr Spendel for guidance. Dr Spendel nodded. “Keep trying,” he commanded.

The nurse hit redial on the phone. It didn’t ring, a generic messaging service playing out over the loudspeaker.

“No, no,” I groaned in agony. How could he do this? “Nikolai, please.” Another nurse came over and offered me a drink of water as she placed a damp cloth over my forehead.

“Is there someone else I can call for you?” the nurse asked. “What about your mother? Your father? A friend?”

The only person I wanted was Nikolai. He was the only one who could help me. I knew I could call my dad, or maybe Illayana. But the thought of either of them being here didn’t bring me comfort. Nikolai. I needed Nikolai.

The more I cried, the more my heart broke. He abandoned me. I couldn’t do this without him, I just couldn’t—

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