Page 20 of Bratva Knight

Part of me didn’t want to talk to him. Didn’t want to even go near that door, let alone open it. Then there was this other part of me. This part that was slowly getting bigger and bigger every day, that was dying to reforge that connection with him, dying to just let go of all that anger and resentment still burning within me and move on.

Out of everyone in my life—my dad, Illayana, my aunt and uncle—hewas the only person I wanted to talk to. The only person I felt like would understand. The only person I wanted to confide in about what was going on.

Stop being such a little bitch.I hit CALL.

The phone barely rang once before Nikolai picked up, his voice frantic. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

My lips curled into a small smile at his reaction to me calling him. I couldn’t really blame him for it, to be honest. It was the first time since that night thatI’dreached out tohim.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”

I could almostfeelhis eyes narrow with suspicion through the phone. Maybe my ability to guess came down to the fact that I knew him so well.

“You’re okay?”

“Yes…no, I mean,” I exhaled, shaking my head. “I don’t know.”

“Tati,” he said softly but sternly. “What’s the matter?”

This is why you called him, you idiot. Talk to him.

“My mother reached out to me a few weeks ago.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Your mother?”

“Mmhmm.”

“What did she want?”

“To see me? Talk to me? Fuck me up even more? I have no idea, really. I hung up on her the second I realised it was her, and I’ve ignored all her calls ever since.”

“How did she get your number?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. I want nothing to do with her. My dad, though,” I shook my head, still frustrated by the whole thing. “He wants to give her a chance. Do you know why he went to Russia?”

“No, but I have a feeling it has something to do with her.”

“Yep.” I got to my feet, walking the length of the front porch and back. “She called him and said she needed to see him. But she didn’t have a passport, so what did he do? He hopped on the first flight he could get and went to her. Despiteeverythingshe’s done, he’s still willing to forgive her. I’m not entirely sure what she really wanted from him, from us. Maybe she thought she’d have better luck getting him to convince me to talk to her if she could give him the crocodile tears in person. Maybe she just wanted to fuck with him. See if she still had him on the hook. I don’t know, and I don’t fucking care.”

He chuckled softly and it made me shiver. That deep, rumbly sound always excited me. It made my heart race.

“Right. It sounds like you don’t care.”

“I don’t,” I snapped, still pacing up and down.

He chuckled again, and I wanted to smile at him and strangle him at the same time. “You want to know how I know you care, Tati? Because you babble when something matters to you. Your voice pitches higher and your words come out in a rush, like you’re trying to get the lies out as quickly as you can, so that maybe even you will believe them.”

My mouth dropped open in outrage. “I do not do that.”

“Yes, you do,love.”

Butterflies bloomed in my stomach. I should tell him off for calling me that. I should tell him pet names like that weren’t appropriate for the barely platonic relationship we now had. But the truth of the matter was, I didn’t want him to stop. I fucking liked it.

The last time we’d spoken, I told him I wanted space from him. That I didn’t want to see him or talk to him. At that moment, I meant it. I meant every word. I truly believed I wouldn’t be able to move on unless I distanced myself from him. Until I tried to forget him and the pain that came every time I saw him.

But how was I supposed to forget about him, to move on, when he still made my heart race like a jackhammer every time I so much as thought about him? Every time I heard his voice?

“You don’t know me nearly as well as you think you do, Nicky.”

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