Page 61 of The Secrets of Roan Island

“Tell me what to do,ta’ari.” His warm breath flutters over my skin, awareness of our closeness brightening the dark spaces inside me. “Tell me how to win your forgiveness, to get you to look at me the way you did.” His hands wrap mine more tightly. “I can’t go on like this. I’ll do anything. Please, tell me.”

My heart squeezes and twists at the sight of this powerful man brought to his knees because of me. The pain in his voice echoes my own.

“I don’t know how to get past this,” I whisper. I don’t tell him how much I want to, how much I want to go back to how it was, how much this hurts me too.

His head drops to my lap, and I suck in a breath, remembering the last time his mouth was there. He misunderstands my quiet gasp and quickly jumps up and away from me.

“Forgive me,” he says one more time before disappearing into his laboratory.

30

Noah

It’s well into the afternoon by the time my brothers bring food down to the library. I worry for Ruby, spending such long hours pouring over books, not eating enough. I know she’s not sleeping well either. I can hear her tossing and turning while I try to sleep outside her door. Last night, I heard her softly mumble my name and I almost went to her, but I held myself in check. She made it clear when I begged three nights ago that she isn’t able to forgive me, that she doesn’t even know how.

I could barely focus on my work after that. Tears threatened my eyes for the first time since Zarah was taken. It was all I could do to hold myself together. I’m still trying to hold myself together. To keep my distance like she wants.

“Father is expecting you for dinner tonight,” Shemaiah says as he sets down an overloaded basket of food. “No excuses this time.”

Ruby digs through the basket, pulling out bread, cheese, wine, a dish of pasta that smells amazing. I’m hungrier than Irealized. But when she shifts a little closer to me, I know the thing I really want is something I’ll never have again.

“We won’t be there to run interference for you, brother, so you’d be wise to leave your little lady and make an appearance.” Jafeth slaps my back.

“Where will you be?”

“The colony,” Shemaiah says. I study his face, but he gives nothing away.

“We’re meeting with Gray,” Jafeth says, looking smug, “to find volunteers for Solstice tomorrow.”

“Why did father agree to that?” He’s always so careful about us not going into Essik too often, especially not together. He doesn’t want us drawing attention to ourselves, or slipping up and feeding inconspicuously. Jafeth’s had a problem with that in the past.

“We have the good professor to thank for that.” The smile Jafeth gives Ruby is a little too friendly, and I step between them before I can stop myself.

“Father wants us to find her,” Shemaiah says.

Ruby stops unpacking the food. I’m so in tune with her I can hear the uptick in her heartbeat, feel the way her body stills even without looking at her.

For a breath I worry that my brothers will turn her over to our father, just like he asked. My claws extend, fangs drop, ready to defend her at all costs.

Jafeth laughs. “Don’t worry. We won’t give you away. She’s helping us, remember. We want to end this as much as you do.”

“Good,” Ruby says. “Because if you tell Hammish I’m down here, I’ll gut the lot of you.” We all know, and can tell from Ruby’s smile, it’s an empty threat. A teasing attempt to lighten the mood.

“I do like when she’s vicious,” Jafeth fake whispers in my ear, loud enough for Ruby to hear.

“You would.” Ruby laughs. “Now sit down and eat before I eat it all. I’m starving.”

“We can’t stay,” Shemaiah says. “The boat will leave soon.”

My gaze swings to Ruby, worry spiking through my hearts. This is an opportunity for her to leave and she knows it. She offers me a soft smile before directing her attention to my brothers. “Keep your fangs in and don’t you dare bring anyone back here who doesn’t know exactly what they’re risking.”

I love the way she’s started bossing them around. She fits oddly well within our little clan. An adhesive we’ve been missing without Zarah around. Zarah would love Ruby. I can just picture them together. The image makes my hearts squeeze tight.

Once my brothers have said their goodbyes, I fall into a chair and drop my head back, staring up at the gilded ceiling.

“Have you been sleeping?” Ruby asks.

“Trying to.” I lift my head and see her pulling a chunk of crusty bread from the loaf. She sets it on a plate along with chunks of the hard cheese in the basket and slides it towards me.

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