Page 54 of The Secrets of Roan Island

But as I stand here watching her, my hearts cracking under the strain of her learning the truth, I wish it could be different. I wish I wasn’t this man. That she could go back to looking at me the way she did last night.

Knowing there’s no explanation that will erase what I’ve done, I still crouch in front of her, hoping there might be a way she can see beyond my black soul.

I whisper her name.

She doesn’t look up, her face pressed to her knees, broken sobs shaking her shoulders.

I reach for her, but stop, noticing my claws, and snatch my hand back, curling my fingers into a fist to hide the evidence of the monster I am. Even if I want to wrap my arms around her, comfort her, I am the last person she’d want comfort from. I’d only scare her more. So I kneel next to her and wait.

Once her sobs slow, I tentatively speak. “I didn’t want to kill them.”

Her head shoots up, shock and horror written on her face. I think she hoped I’d give her an innocent explanation. Even still.

She scrambles away, gaze full of revulsion. “It was you? You killed them?”

I shake my head, then nod. “Some.”

“Is that what you’re going to do to me now? Is that why I’m in here?”

“No! I wouldneverhurt you.”

“Is that supposed to make that”–she waves at the open doors–“better?”

“No.” I hold out the discarded blanket.

She snatches it.

My heart is a warning alarm in my chest, begging me to deny everything so that Ruby won’t look at me the way she is now.

But I can’t deny it. I won’t pretend to be anything less than the monster I am. Not with her. All I can do is lay it all bare. And hope.

I glance down at her bare feet, her bright pink toes. She’s cold. When I look back at her face, I immediately glance away, hating the naked fear on her features.

“Nothing will make this better. Nothing will bring back these women,” I admit.

She tilts her head, taking my measure, clearly wondering what game I’m playing with my confession.

I swallow my previous pride. “I shouldn’t have locked you in here.”

She barks a bitter laugh. “Yeah, because if you hadn’t I wouldn’t know you’re a murderer.”

“No.” The word is loud enough to command her attention. “I shouldn’t have done it because you were right. You deserve more than this. Better than me. But…” I swallow, chest swelling with feeling. “I need you, Ruby. I need to protect you. It drives me to distraction, to madness.”

She starts to say something, but I hold up my hand.

“It’s not an excuse. I was coming back in here to tell you everything and let you choose. And then…”

Her eyes flit to the cold lockers, all of them still open. Her face hardens. “Let me choose? Oh how gracious of you. Andwhat is my choice? Between being your food supply or this?” She waves her hand at the open lockers.

“That isn’t–” I start, then stop, surging to my feet. When she cringes away, I’m filled with self-loathing and turn to close the coolers, locking the evidence away once more. “If Hammish knows you’re still here, you’ll end up in one of these drawers.” It’s not a possibility. It’s a certainty. It’s important she knows that.

“So you didn’t kill them? He did?”

I sigh, unable to meet her eyes. “These women died at my hand and my brothers’ at Summer Solstice. The women my father tries to turn”–I fight the metallic taste clawing at my throat–“don’t ever make it here.”

He destroys the evidence of his failure and expects my brothers and me to do the same. That’s why I keep this room a secret. So I have samples for my research without him knowing that we haven’t burned them.

“Turn?” Ruby shakes her head, tears still staining her cheeks. “I don’t understand.”

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