Page 42 of Scars and Burns

She gawks at me, “What? But you’ve always been so confident.You’ve always seemed so sure of yourself. Walking around the castle with your head held high. Going wherever you please. Ignoring the gossip that surrounds you. Speaking to servants and nobles in the highest regard. Never once seeming to waver. Even in your lessons - magic, fighting, all of them really. You’ve always excelled.”

I’ve presented myself well. Maybe a little too well. Keeping it all together, all inside for no one else to see.

Sighing, I continue, “Excelling at things doesn’t make me who I am. I was grateful for King Elio and all my Mother had done for me. That’s why I worked so hard on my lessons. My magic and fighting were things I needed to do for myself. To fulfill a promise I made to myself when we fled to the capital city of Akino. I speak to the servants and nobles in the same regard because I believe they both deserve that respect. Needing to maintain my reputation among the nobles if I ever wish to marry. The servants do not deserve to be spoken down to just because they are of a lower class. Just because they were given different circumstances in life than us. Perhaps, understanding that for myself a bit more than you. I have to ignore the gossip that surrounds me in the castle. It will never cease. I cannot escape it but I can rise above it. If not, it would have consumed me.”

She thinks on this for a moment. Her eyes dart in every direction but meeting my own. “So, you don’t know who you are?”

I give her a small laugh. Recalling what my Mother once said. Does anyone ever truly know who they are?

“I don’t believe it’s as simple as you think. It depends on the person. Some are more sure than others but we are all always changing. Always growing and developing. If you don’t feel as if you have more growth to do then you don’t believe in yourself enough.”

“What do you mean?” Saphrina looks more confused now than when we started this conversation.

I’m not even sure I know what I am saying or where I am goingwith this.

Sighing, I guide her to the couch. We sit there with our hands together.

“Mother and I had a similar conversation when I was about your age. She told me no one knows who they are at your age. Our lives had just been uprooted, seven years prior. Attempting to master my magic. Live up to the title of lady I had just been given. I was really struggling with knowing who I was anymore. I was frustrated that my magic was not growing at the rate I wanted it to. Life had been chaotic and full of questioning. Much as your life is now. Mother said we are one in the same with our magic. It is a part of us. It grows and develops as we do.”

“So, you’re saying I just need to grow up for my magic to develop?”

Goddess, no that’s not what I am saying at all. Mother was so much better at this than me.

“Not exactly.” She gives me a curious look.

I shake my head. Trying to think of a better way to explain this. “I’m saying your life has had a great shift. You lost your Mother during a raid on your home. Your Goddess mark began to fade. The destiny and fate you have been told your whole life slipping away. Come to find out it was an illusion. Put there by your Mother in order to protect you from your Father’s wrath. Only for your true Goddess mark to reveal itself.”

She’s looking at me intensely. Tears building in her eyes, as I lay out the reality of her life in front of her. “I think you know less about yourself and who you are now more than ever. The more you discover on your own. The more you become your own person again. The more your magic will grow with you.”

“How did yours develop? How did you come to discover who you are?”

“I still haven’t fully discovered who I am. But I found things thatbrought me joy and happiness. My fighting lesson. Spending time with Cookie in the kitchens. Baking and assisting her. My time in the forest alone. Becoming more at peace with myself has helped.”

Ugh, I hope I am doing this right.

“I think I understand.”

I raise my brows, “Good. That’s good.”

“And I’ll tell you a secret Mother told me once. No one is or ever should be done growing. There is always something new to uncover within ourselves or of someone else.”

She smiles up at me through her lashes. “Dinalia, can I ask you one more thing?”

“Of course” A touch of concern to my voice.

She’s looking down at her hands in her lap as she fiddles with them. “I know a few things. I know I am the princess of the Middle Kingdom. I know that I am betrothed to the Prince of the Celestial Realm. I’ve lost my Mother and essentially my Father. Since he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me now.” She pauses for a moment. “I also know I want a companion in my life.” She looks back up at me. “Will you be my sister?”

My eyes widened in shock. Shaking my head, “Saphrina, I have always been your sister. And I always will be.” I take her hands back into my own. “You and I may not have had the best start. We may not see eye to eye on things with the differences in our lives. But I will always, always be your sister. I have not been there for you but I am here now. Whatever you need.”

She smiles at me. Embracing me in a hug. We’ve never once hugged. I’ve only ever hugged my Mother and Cookie. “You remind me of her.” she says.

My heart pinches a little. I could never be my Mother.

Pulling away from me, she looks me directly in the eyes, “I’m ready to try again.”

* **

I’m standing on the boulder that sits on the mountain above the stream. Teetering on the edge. My favorite spot. Listening to the rush of water flowing down the mountain side.

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